I
recently, well 6 months or so ago, discovered a co-worker was a new foster
parent. This was something I had
considered several times in my life, but always post-phoned until later for
some reason or other. The last time I
thought of it was about a month previous to this and I was in the process of
divorcing, so I assumed a single man would not be eligible. My co-worker was a single mom, so this put
me to thinking and I did an internet search.
According to the info I found, marital status, sex, income, religion,
all played no role. The only
requirements were to pass a criminal background check, undergo training, agree
to continued training, have enough of an income to not need the board fee to
survive, have an appropriate home and time to care for the children. There later turned out to be some other
stuff, and they didn’t mention an endless ability to do paperwork and unending patience (not with the children, with the whole application process).
I
think pounced on my co-worker and quizzed her.
She more or less confirmed what I found, although she did warn me that
DSC would be “all up in my grill about my personal bizness and who I was
sleeping with”. She sometimes tries to
talk “street”. Considering she is a
native Tennessean from the Cumberland
Plateau, it sounds odd hearing “street” with native hillbilly “twang”. I found nothing to worry me about this, I’ve
been cleared for state and federal jobs and have a carry permit, background
checks are almost second nature to me.
As far as the rest, sex is something I vaguely remember, but haven’t
experienced in about 3 years. So I
called a 1-800 number and left contact information. The next day, I was called back and more information was
taken. Then I was called again the next
day and told about PATH Classes. They
sent me information in the mail about the classes. The next ones started in August.
I signed up and was confirmed.
This was quick, everyone said there was a massive need for foster
parents. Then it slowed down. There was some confusion, since they had
just started a new method of teaching the Parents As Tender Healers (Tennessee
likes its cute acronyms) classes.
Formerly, they were 10 weeks long.
In an effort to encourage more foster parents, they went to a 5 week course, with the remaining half of the
hours to be sort of an independent study done within the next year. This in itself was confusing because the
course was 6 weeks and there were 2 nights of classes the last week. It later came out that the final 2 classes
on first aid and medicine administration weren’t considered PATH classes. Anyway, I spent one day a week from the end
of August through September driving 60+ miles one way and attending 5 hour
classes, except for the last 2 which were 5 hours long and in the same week.
The
classes themselves were not bad, but the system was new and people could join
in the classes at any time, rather than start with the first class, they would
just have to make up any they had missed.
As a result, there was never the same number of people in class. The first class there were about 10 of
us. The second over 20, on at least 2
nights we had over 40. Initially we met
in a conference room at a motel. The
air conditioning was broken, after the third meeting at 90 – 100 degree’s
Fahrenheit, one of the attendees was pastor of a local church and offered their
conference room and meeting hall. It
was air conditioned and free of charge.
It also added about 10 miles and 15 minutes to my drive.
There
was never the correct number of handouts or certificates. People never seemed to pay attention, often
missing something, then having to ask, or getting off topic. It reminded me a lot of staff meetings and
training at work. The first day of
class we were given a 50 pound packet of forms, most of which had to be filled
out. There were all kinds of things,
many of which were not clearly explained.
It was suggested we go ahead and start this as otherwise it might become
overwhelming. Fortunately, I am a state
employee and as such have become accustomed to redundant paperwork. We were given assignments each evening (aka
homework) These were turned in the following class. Toward the end, we were each interviewed by our instructor, who
had to recommend us or not as potential foster parents. Incidentally, if you want to adopt in this
state, you must undergo this process and must foster the child or children for
6 months before you can adopt. So we
had some adoptive parents in our class.
Also, if you have family placed with you, in other words, are fostering
relatives, due to the parents’ death, incarceration, temporary or permanent
loss of parental rights, then you have to undergo this process even if you
already have the children in your care.
These people tend to gripe about having to go through “this” for
“something they already have”.
After
this comes the home study. This is a
process that is either handled differently out of different offices, or changed
when they changed the way class was offered.
I was told about a week after completing the classes I would be
contacted and I would be interviewed 3 times, once at my home. My home would be inspected on one of these
visits. My co-worker said she only had
one interview, at her home and it was 4 hours long. So I waited. Two weeks passed
and nothing. I emailed my instructor,
nothing. Finally after a month, I was
insane. I had spent the time during
class getting my home ready based on a checklist in the 50 lb packet. I had cleaned and scrubbed and painted and
rearranged and bought furniture. All my
electrical outlets have plastic covers over them. Just vacuuming the carpets now requires carrying a pry bar from
room to room. My medication, even
vitamins and ibuprofen are locked in a heavy plastic toolbox. My cleaning supplies are in my bathroom sink
protected by a padlock. I have my fire
alarms, smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors installed and graphed onto a
floor plan of my house. That plan is
laminated and taped to the fridge. It
shows all exits, includes the location of the fire extinguishers, and all
emergency numbers.
My
back bedroom now has two twin beds. The
children can’t just sleep on the utility room floor; each child has to have a
separate bed. There has to be a
designated sleeping area, separate from the other areas of the house, the
sleeping area has to have a window.
This last part worries me, because it makes me think that someone was
keeping kids in a dark closed in room somewhere at sometime. It wouldn’t be a rule unless someone was
doing that. If you wonder why I have
two twin beds, it’s because they were free, I really wanted a bunk bed
set. Also, I am not being
kid-greedy. I originally started this
because after I separated I had given up on the idea of a family. She hadn’t wanted kids, so I gave up at that
point, but now I am alone and I would like to try to be a father. My life is currently my job. I have time, love, and patience and want to
try. This seems like a good way to
explore being a father. I have people
watching over me, so hopefully I can’t screw up too much. True, I may start with a child with issues,
but they need someone. If things work
out and we bond, I may get hurt if I have to give him back, but adoption is not
out of the question. Either way, I can
experience part of fatherhood, and do some good. But the two beds are because I was told these kids rarely come as
singles.
Finally
in late October, my co-worker gave me contact name and number. She lives in a different county than I do,
so her case manager is in a different office than I would be dealing with. I called and was given the contact
information for my office. I had
already talked to a couple of people, who would only tell me someone would
contact me. I was worried, because the
instructor for our class did not have our final completion certificates either,
and was supposed to have mailed them.
No one ever contacted me, I was having to do all the contacting. That wasn’t helping much. Finally, after I called the number my
co-worker gave, I was contacted and assigned a case worker. My first appointment was on Halloween. It lasted an hour. I was given another packet to fill out and instructions. I was set with an appointment to have my
fingerprints taken for a background check.
She asked lots of questions.
Next appointment was a month away.
I gave her copies of pay stubs, driver’s license, car insurance, health
insurance, carry permit, divorce
decree, birth certificate, a health recommendation from my doctor, references,
car registration, and proof of pet vaccinations. We did a walk through of the house.
The
packet was a very noisy packet asking about my childhood, income and expenses,
religious practices. It asked a lot
about handling situations ect. The
second interview lasted 3 and ½ hours. We
filled out a ton of paperwork. Many of
the questions involved how I dealt with stress and anger, my childhood, any
issues with medication and alcohol, how I relaxed. We also discussed household rules, how would I punish a child,
how would I deal with different types of behavior. At this point, my background had been checked both by local and
state law enforcement, my credit and driving record were checked and everything
was okay. She made a couple of
recommendations for the house, I submitted my paperwork on what types of
children I felt best working with. The
next appointment was two weeks away. I
fixed what she wanted on the house, did my floor plan and emergency contact
number, gathered the remaining paperwork for her and prepared for the last interview. She took my picture and pictures of each
room of the house and the exterior. We
went through the checklist. By the way,
every gun, even the bb guns is locked in a metal cabinet and each has either a
trigger lock or a slide lock. The
ammunition is stored in a separate cabinet, also locked.
Today,
12/22/11 my homestudy is being presented.
I should know if I am approved sometime next week. I have jumped through hoops for the chance
to help some children. I understand
that they have to thoroughly check me out, so I am trying to be patient. It just isn’t easy at this point. I had hoped to maybe have a child for the
holidays. That seemed like it would be
so much fun.
I
am both frustrated and excited. My
caseworker seems to feel I will be approved, although probably restricted to no
more than 2 male children, no infants, only minor behavioral problems. I asked for 1 to 2 male children between 3
and 10 years of age. Seems like a good
fit to me.
Let
you know when I know.
