I've Lost My Faith in Humanity

 

People are basically stupid.

 

I have a client on probation out of 2 different counties, plus she is a misdemeanor case out of a third county.  She decided to give up on the misdemeanor case and just flatten her sentence.  But she had some medical issues so the jail administrator told her to get those taken care of first, and he cleared it with the judge and DA.  I've been watching for 2 months for her to be booked in, and brought her in once to confirm the medical condition.  She got booked in Monday.  Only there were some new charges on the books, so I got copies of the arrest warrants.  Here is some advice:

 

If you decide to go for a drive, don't speed.

If you decide to go for a drive and speed, don't use your incarcerated boyfriend's car.

Especially if the company he rented it from reported it stolen because he never returned it.

If you decide to speed in a stolen car, don't have an open beer bottle in the car with you.

Also, don't have 2 sets of digital scales and $900 in cash.

If you decide to speed in a stolen car with an open container, and paraphernalia, don't give a false name and social security number when caught.

If you decide to speed in a stolen car with an open container, drug paraphernalia, and give a false identity when pulled over, don't be surprised when they find out who you are because you are supposed to report to the jail to be booked in.  Also, don't be surprised they discover your license has been suspended.  

Also, when they ask you if you have any drugs or weapons on you before they search you and take you to jail, you might want to mention the 3 grams of crack cocaine in the baggie stuffed up your cooter, because when they do the very thorough booking search and find it, they won't be happy. 

That's right, she is charged with speeding, driving on a suspended license, violation of the open container law, possession of drug paraphernalia, theft over $15,000, possession of a controlled substance with intent to resale, introduction of contraband to a correctional facility, and criminal impersonation, with two felony probation violations soon to be added. 

 

Story number 2:

Lady is on probation out of 2 counties, she has only 1 month left on both.  I file warrants because she hasn't paid her court costs.  The judge givesa her an OR bond, no money has to be paid to get released.  She leaves the county without permission, gets picked up with another probationer in violation status shoplifting.  The try to run from the store security, but get pulled over in their car.  They find a flashlight stuffed down her pants in the packaging.  The also find two blue pills concealed in a hollowed out key chain and a baggy on the floor filled with needles and straws.  She admits to the officer that she uses the needles to shoot up morphine. 

Then you have the guy on an 8 year sentence out of 3 counties who keeps giving me fake addresses. 

 

I have a lot of warrants to write Monday.