The History of the Modern Cow

Let me explain a little about my wife's oldest sister in support of another blog post. I will give the following names to various character's in an attempt to protect myself.

Wife -- Wife of Wify
Her oldest sister -- The Cow
Her next youngest sister-- Former cheerleader
Her youngest sister -- the brat
The Cow's children-- Demon spawn 1
Demon spawn 2
The apolcalyptic doom of all mankind, super ultra strength demon spawn
The Men in her life:
Husband 1 -- The Moose (big and stupid)
One Night Stand -- Poor Snook
Boyfriend 1 -- The Jailbird
Husband 2 -- Crackhead (young, small, and stupid, but highly annoying)
Boyfriend 2 -- The truck driver
Boyfriend 3 -- MethHead (extra stupid, but probably bi-polar and psychopathic)
FatBastard

The countless thousands of others.

Okay, basically The Cow got herself knocked up by the Moose, which resulted in Demon Spawn 1. Then later she hooked up with Poor Snook, got pregnant, screamed rape and ended up with Demon Spawn 2. Then she divorced the Moose, and moved to Tennessee, supposedly to get rid of him, but then he followed her up here. Down here she goes crazy for awhile, then goes back to Florida and returns with Crackhead. They live together, break up, he goes away, comes back , they rinse and repeat, then they get hitched, create Dadoamsusds, break up, divorce, rinse, repeat. Basically, whenever she gets bored, she goes back to Florida and gets the little idiot. When she gets tired of him, she moves another guy in, which is where the truck driver and the jail bird come in. They are guys to run off other guys. At some point she went to Florida and brought back FatBastard. He's had a thing for her since he met her, years ago and will do anything she asks. She gives him just enough to keep him on a leash and if noone else is available, will bring him in to run off a persistant mantoy. After getting rid of Crackhead, she moved Methman in, but he's nuts and kindly gets violent, so sometimes he actually scares her.

She basically keeps each of these guys on a leash someway or other. She never really lets any of them go. And for some reason, they won't leave on their own. I don't get it. If I were treated the way she treats these nut cases, I would get pissed and head for the hills. I realize that she has kids by 2 of them, but still. You know after acusing the one guy of raping her, only to have the case dropped, years later she tried to sue him for child support. She is a real work of art guys. Quite a catch.