Dumb Crook News, Local Edition

Two stories, one of which was promised last week.

The promised story first.

There was a lady, who was more of less homeless and was moving between family and friends staying one place for a short while then moving to another. One day she left one place with plans to visit a friend, then was supposed to go to another family member to stay with them for awhile. She left the friends place in a vehicle with another friend and never arrived at the family member's place. After a couple of days without hearing from her and calling up friends and family she was reported missing. A few days later her body was found lying beside a road 50 miles away in another county. Beside the body, cause of death unknown or at least not released to the media, was a pair of dentures. A name was engraved in the dentures. What? You don't have a name engraved in your dentures? Perhaps you did not have yours made, at no cost to yourself, while a resident at the Tennessee Department of Corrections Bed and Breakfast. With this subtle clue law enforcement felt a conversation with the owner of said dentures was a good idea. They first ran a check and found Mr. Denture not only had been a proud consumer of Tennessee's fine correction facilities, but was currently the subject of warrants as yet not served. Armed with these documents, members of the Sheriff's department and the TBI, visited the last known residence. The subject of interest declined to cooperate and expressed this by attempting to run over a TBI agent while attempting to escape. For reasons currently unknown, the agent in question to offense and shot our subject through the shoulder. Said subject is being served soft food while awaiting trial on not only his outstanding charges but also attempted evading arrest and attempted murder. The investigation into the death of the woman is still ongoing.

Police very recently responded to reports of a shirtless man trying to open the door to a dentist office. Upon arriving a man was noticed trying to flee the scene. When apprehended he was wearing one shoe and no shirt. The police found no buildings in the area broken into, but an ambulance had been. Since the missing shoe was lying in the ambulance along with the man's wallet, the man had marks from the heart monitor equipment on his chest, and medical gear was piled behind the ambulance police decided he had been in the ambulance. They also found a shopping cart near the ambulance which contained 3 case of Natural Ice beer. The suspect when apprehended was reported unsteady on his feet with red, watery eyes, slurred speech and smelled strongly of "alcoholic beverage". He admitted to entering the ambulance and placing the heart monitor pads on himself.