Things That Don't Do What They Say They Do

Well, last night was the MTV Movie Awards. I didn't watch them, content to read the results on the internet this morning. As suspected, anything the Twilight movie was nominated for it got and pretty much everything else was equally predictable. Apparently among fans of that channel Robert Messy hair is a better actor than Johnny Depp.

Sort Twilight meander. I don't hate Twilight. I finally stopped it when I realized what it is. You see Twilight isn't literature or film and doesn't pretend to be. Many of its fans seem to think it is, but they will hopefully grow out of it. The Twilight moms on the other hand need serious help. The woman can't write. Not to say she can't tell a story, apparently she can, but she isn't a good writer. The movies aren't good either, but then look at the source material. The best way to look at Twilight is to use the South Park method. Watch the episode about Promise Rings. Then substitute Twilight for Jonas Brothers and movies or books for music. The purpose of the Jonah Brothers isn't to make good music, they don't, but to make young girls tingly in their naughty spots. They don't know the difference, so they buy more Jonas Brothers crap. Although for all I know, Jonas Brothers are out and the Beiber dude is in now. Apparently weird hair is all the rage among the tween set. Well Twilight tells stories that make the target audience tingly in the right spots. They buy more to tingle more. I saw a young guy in Walmart buying one to the books. I was going to choke him out and drag him somewhere for an intervention, but he explained that having the books around made girls think he was sensitive and crap. The end result was Twilight books apparently have a effect similar to that of tequila on female clothing.

Now to what I was actually talking about before I got lost.

What the hell is it with tv networks. MTV now has only slightly more connection to music videos than NBC. Music Television now has almost no music on it, not to mention sister station VH1, Video Hits 1. Basically they seemed to have gone the stupid reality and game show route. Someone said MTV2 had music videos now. That station originally started as an alternative to Top 40/rap stuff MTV1 was mostly dealing with and the "classic" rock videos VH1 pimped. So what the hell? I haven't seen a point to MTV or VH1 in forever.

I used to like the History channel. It showed programs about history. That makes sense to me. All weekend that stupid channel showed a program called Ice Road Truckers. What does that have to do with history, please explain it to me. The Discovery Channel and The Learning Channel seemed to have converted to showing programs about people too dumb no realize there pregnant until the infant pops out and bitch slaps them or other people who keep having more and more kids so the stupid network will keep giving them a show otherwise how will they support their hugely bloated family. Could we go back to hosting shows somewhat educational. Having shows mostly entertaining like Mythbusters, the old Junkyard Wars and stuff is okay, because they are still kind of nerdy. You might learn something. If anyone out there is learning anything from "Kate plus Eight" or "Nineteen and Counting (aka Mrs. Duggars Worn Out Uterus)" I am scared to know what. I have also noticed a recent trend on shows about female police officers. Someone needs to explain why we need this. "Female Forces" and "Policewoman or Fillintheblank County" are the two that come to mind. Reality style police shows can be interesting if the cases are interesting or if they taser annoying people, but otherwise it is kind of boring after about 15 minutes. The only reasons I can come up with to promote female police officers is either to promote equality or to capitalize on male fantasies about women in authority, women in uniform, women with weapons or some other fetish. Since singling a female law enforcement officer out as somehow being different seems a poor way to promote equality, I can only assume that the present shows give excuses for people to fantasize about being handcuffed to beds while being beaten with a baton by women in bullet resistant vests and duty belts.