Dear Zynga
Okay, we get it. Somehow you have crafted 3 or 4 stupid little games more addicting than a mutant blend of crack cocaine and methamphetamine. Farmville, Café World, Mafia Wars and now Frontierville pretty much dominate the social network gaming world. I can’t believe I just said social networking gaming world. That just isn’t right, but somehow your partnership with Facebook, the least private and worst secured, yet largest of the social network sites has apparently been a major success for you both. How do you do it? How do you make such repetitive and simple games so damn addicting? How addicting are they? Let me explain.
Somehow, the games are so addicting that even though they have become so FUCKING ANNOYING because of the DAMN NEAR CONSTANT POPUPS and so CRAMMED FULL OF USELESS FUCKING BULLSHIT ITEMS that they are NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO PLAY we still PLAY the DAMN THINGS.
Honestly, how freaking many sets of stupid train whistles do you think I need???? I do not want to offer them to my friends because they already have 4 MILLION OF THE FUCKERS. The game doesn’t even make sense. I get a pop up saying I have just successfully harvested 476,000 bushels of ragweed but my market stalls are full. Do I want to offer them to my friends rather than let them spoil? Click ok. Another pop up asking if I want to post a notice to my friends’ walls about this. Well, it’s either that or notifying them via mental telepathy. Click yes. Harvest one more section, and I get another pop up notifying me that I have now found 562,000 bushels of ragweed, one bushel will be placed in my inventory and the rest will be available in my stall. WTF, my market stalls were all full just 3 seconds ago? Then I get another popup about posting it. How about a single pop up per event that says “you have just successfully harvested xxx number of bushels of skunk cabbage, 1 bushel has been placed in your personal inventory and the rest will be available for sale in your market stall. Would you like to post this notice on your wall and your friends wall? Click yes to post or FU to not?” It would be even better to just save all the notices, maybe with a counter on one side of the screen that counted the notices and then let you scroll through the list and pick what you want to claim and/or post when you are ready. The way it works now is really annoying, especially when you add in the stupid bobbing banner on the bottom of the game screen. It’s really annoying if, like me, you can only log on before and after work, so mostly I am rushing in the morning to do all the games and get to work and as I plant or harvest I accidentally click on one of the stupid toy collections notices. Seriously, the collections are annoying but at least finishing one gives experience and stuff, but that damn toy collection just gives some stupid item that isn’t worth the constant notifications of whistles, marbles, toy ducks, ect. And Café World, at least in Farmville if you clicked ahead your guy will usually still do the tasks even with a pop up open. In Café World the little chef freezes until you deal with it. And why can’t we gift more than once a day? Farmville lets us. And lengthen the time on those stupid catering jobs. It’s nearly impossible to finish any in 3 star time, unless you get a full crew, and it can take a day or two to gather in a partial crew, by then the job is already down to one star and if the items to be cooked require a day or more it is even longer. I realize that the following bitch may not by your fault, it may be a fault with Faceplant….errrr Facebook, but when I claim my gifts, one at a time, verrrrrrry slowly, it offers me the choice of returning to the gift page or entering the game, but if I am claiming items some poor friend had to fight through multiple pop ups to make, I click the link, click okay, then get dumped into the game with no option to return to my wall. Why? Chances are there are multiple posts I want to get items from. I have to be very fast on the back or home button to get them all.
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