Ouch!!!!!

It was raining Saturday morning, a lot. I mean a lot, with black skies and thunder and impressive displays of electricity and everything. It had been raining but was fine when I went to get groceries, but about halfway home it let rip. So when I got home I rushed around to get my food inside without getting it all soaked. I told you that to tell you this. I left my car lights on. I noticed a couple of hours later and turned them off. The interior light and buzzer were working, so I hoped the battery would rest and recharge. I vegetated the rest of the weekend and didn't even think of it until this morning. I went out to go to work and click, click, it was dead as Mel Gibson's reputation.

I went over to my parents' to get Dad to jump the battery, he wasn't there. Mom told me to talk the Olds but that was what he left in. I asked about the keys to his truck, as I could jump the car with it, and borrowing the truck I drove back to the house. I parked the truck in front of my car and grabbed his cables which he keeps in the passenger floorboards. Jumper cables apparently practice an art of knotting themselves up in very sophisticated patterns when bored, but I finally untangled them and attached them in an appropriate manner. Then as I was went to start the truck, I stepped into a hole, which had apparently been lurking somewhere and darted out to snare my right foot. I went crashing face-first into the ground. "Fuck sticks!!*" I said, pretty damn loud. An early morning, unplanned face plant into dewy grass and not-so-damn-soft ground can do that to you.

I got up, knocked most of the grass off, limped to the truck and started it. I then went to my car and tried to start it. It took about 10 minutes to charge enough to start, so it was pretty dead. My radio lost all memory. I returned the truck, drove to work. I ache. My right ankle hurts, my left ankle is having sympathy pains, and I had my baton in my right pants pocket and landed heavy on it when I fell, so my right thigh and hip don't feel very good. It's a Monday.

*This is a direct quote from a book I finished recently. Fool by Christopher Moore. It's a retelling of the tale of King Lear from the fool's point of view. It's done a bit tongue-in-cheek with a tiny amount of humor, rather than the overall depressing manner of most tragedies. Moore doesn't normal attempt to use period language much, he mostly writes in the modern era, though and sometimes has characters with unique speech patterns. In this book he sometimes uses Shakespearean quotes and even Shakespearean type dialogue. Allow me to quote: "Die thou vile badger-shagging spunk monkey!!!"

Its a good book, I had to read some Shakespeare in high school and college and I really don't remember that much sex, but this story had a little. Queens got shagged, princesses got shagged (a lot), ghosts got shagged (a little), castle servants got shagged, even sheep and trees got shagged. Check out the book, check out some of his others, I recommend Lamb, Blood Sucking Fiends, You Suck, Bite Me, A Dirty Job, Practical Demon Keeping, and The Stupidest Angel. I recommend avoiding Fluke, and not reading Coyote Blue unless you become a fan. I haven't read the Island of the Sequined Love Nun.