I Am Not a Crook.

One of my clients had a bit of a mishap and ended up with new charges, among them DUI and aggravated assault.  A violation was filed.  She was found guilty of some of the new offenses.  She was then found guilty of the violation.  She was given a sweetheart of a deal:  revoked and reinstated with an extension on her probation and 10 days to serve on weekends.  The first weekend she showed up high.  They warned her.  The next weekend she smuggled a pain pill into jail in her belly button and they caught her crushing and snorting it.  They held her the remainder of the 10 days and asked me for another violation report, which I submitted and a warrant has been issued, with no bond on it.  She called today and asked if it was ready, I told her it was.  She then asked about bond and I told her there wasn't one.  She then asked why not.  I explained that she had a second chance on probation, blew it, then they gave her a great deal and a third chance and she blew that too.  I told her judges tended to take that sort of thing seriously.  So then she says, "But don't they understand I'm not a criminal, I need help?"   

A Short Story with Some Sort of Point

A few years ago I was prowling through an online classified website.  As part of my job I am required to monitor my clients' employment and search for employment.   I like to have an idea of local job opportunities to mention when they start whining about how there aren't any jobs out there and how they looked everywhere.  I enjoy the look of panic that crosses there faces when I say something like:  "Did you try IHOP they have an ad in the paper?" or "Lowes is hiring 4 people for day shift, did you apply there?"  They tend to not like to have to commit to specific details, it might reveal how much actual effort they put in.  I also try to make them track the search on paper, but that is a detail for another day.

While perusing the site, I saw an ad for a private detective.  Actually the ad said something along the lines of "I want to do your detective work, just finished an online school and have a special computer program, hire me for all your investigative work.  It gave his name, phone number, and address.  Just out of curiosity I check to see if he was licensed.  He wasn't.  That wasn't a misuse of office, in the state of Tennessee, there is a website, linked from the state public website, where you can check to see if anyone doing a job requiring a license or certification from the state is duly licensed or certified and current on the license or certificate.  It is a matter or public record.  He wasn't.  Again being a noisy bastard, I did a quick search through both the public website of the state department of commerce and insurance and a google search to see the requirements to become a licensed private investigator in Tennessee and the penalties for practicing without the license.  Then, again being a bastard, because it wasn't really anything to me, I messaged the guy via the email on the classified website and warned him he faced a misdemeanor conviction and a rather stiff fine if he accepted money to do anything along this line and was reported without the appropriate licensing.  I referred him to the sites explaining how to get his license and the penalties for operating without one.  He emailed me back thanking me and explaining that he had looked all over but couldn't find out what he needed to do......

It took me less than 30 seconds to run a google search which yielded a few hundred results.  The first 6 or 7 of which were websites wanting to teach me to be a private investigator, but every one of the five I looked at linked back to the state site listing the requirements to be licensed.  He's trained and wants to handle all my investigative needs, for money, but can't work a simple internet search portal?

Not having a fun weekend. Friday the boy came home with better grades on study sheets and homework than normal so I attempted to reward him with a dvd with episodes of his favorite tv show on it. This seemed to work and he spent friday evening absorbed in it. I sent him to bed at 9 and he still had some unwatched episodes. I've had issues with him and getting up at night and doing things, especially tv and games so there are strict rules as to when electronic devices can come on in the house and basically it's after I am up and have given permission. Around 5AM I heard a door sweaking. Then I heard him in his bathroom, then another door. Since he insists on sleeping with his bedroom door open, a lamp on in his bedroom, the bathroom light on, my bedroom door open and my bathroom light on, the only door that should be moving is the bathroom. I got up to investigate. He's propped up in bed reading a comic book. "Oh you're up." he says. "No I'm not. Go back to sleep." "What time is it?" asks the boy I have to wake up every school day at 6AM. "It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Go back to sleep." He looks surprised, but rolls over after I take the book away. I tried to go back to sleep, but he kept making noise often enough I knew he wasn't sleeping. So at 6:30 I gave up and got up. He pops up about 30 seconds after and asks when we are going to town. I told him definitely not now. He stammers around and then asks if he can turn on his "game system." The ps2 is also his dvd player. I told him no. He asked why. I told him there was no reason for him to be up before 5 am on a Saturday, and if he couldn't be considerate enough to let us old folks sleep, he couldn't watch his shows. He then asked if he could play a game, I asked how since he couldn't turn on the systems. He then asked what he could do. I suggested he finish the book he was "reading" at 5 am. He stomped off. After I calmed down I started breakfast. He came out of his room to inform me he was in condition yellow, "hungry". This is his second most common condition, with condition red, "bored" being the first. Although condition black, "grounded" is fast approaching to challenge. I told him I was working on breakfast. He asked what it was. I told him scrambled eggs and ham. He declared that "nasty" and demanded cereal. When I told him that he knew the rules and he ate what was put in front of him. He screamed he didn't like that, he wanted cereal. He, from what I can determine, has never eaten an egg. He stormed into his room and climbed into bed. After I had breakfast on the table, I told him to come and eat. He screamed he didn't want that he wanted cereal. I walked into his room and told him in the voice I usually reserve for telling me clients that the nice person in the uniform standing behind them is there to fit them for some special bracelets that he was to get out there and eat breakfast. He screamed I don't want to into my face. I told him the game systems were going for the weekend. He said he didn't care so I unhooked the xbox and playstation and took them to my room. Then I yelled into the room that his food was in the microwave, but he wasn't getting anything else until lunch. Next time I walked past his door he was asleep.




After we finished our errands in town, I told the boy we were going to rearrange furniture. We put the futon out in the storage building and then I stuck a tv stand in the living room. Then I went to his room and hauled the tv out onto the stand. I expected to hear a squawk. Nothing. He went and started hauling out cables. I got the xbox and ps2 out of my room and hooked everything up. I looked around and he was hauling the rest of his belongings out and dropping them on the couch. I asked what he was doing and he said he was bringing the rest of his stuff out here. "The REST of your stuff?" He said yes since that wasn't his room anymore, pointing at his room. "Why isn't that your room?" "You moved my stuff in here," he said pointing to the games. Don't start saying "aww.... poor little guy." When I first got the ps2, I told him it was mine, and it belonged to the house, he could use it, but it stayed here when he left. I tried to be nice about it and explained that the next little boy that came along would need it. At which point he informed me that it was too bad for that little boy, but he didn't care, that was his and he was taking it all when he left. Which was how he was actually grounded from the ps2 2 hours after I brought it home. I again informed him those weren't his and I was putting them where I could keep a closer eye on them. I made him move his other stuff back into the bedroom. He then came out and expressed curiosity as to whether or not I was allowed to play on the game systems. I told him that I most definitely could play on them. He then went to sulk for awhile. Later that day he came out into the living room. Looked at the tv, then me and the boy who cannot sleep unless he can see from one end of the house to the other from his bed asked me, extremely casually if I ever slept with my bedroom door shut. That's when I told him if he ever broke a rule involving games or tv again, the whole mess was getting locked in the gun cabinet and he was never seeing any of it again. I don't think he believes me.






Sunday:




I woke him for church. After church we ate then I started housecleaning. We have a lot of caseworkers wandering in and out this week, would rather the place look neat.


Beautiful spring-like day, the windows are up, the fans going, and I'm cleaning the carpet. The boy squeals, "There's a wasp in the house." "Leave it alone, I'm sure it eats less than you, we'll call it Fred."





Five hours later:





The boy walks into the house and across my freshly shampooed living room carpet, looks at me and says, "What do you want me to do with my shoes, they're muddy?" Yes he is still alive, but not happy.

More from the Mind of a 9-year-old

Just had an argument I don't understand. The boy has backpack issues. He came to me with a fancy backpack with a frame and wheels and a collapsing handle. He hated it. He saw the backpack in the trunk of the car where I keep my equipment and kept asking to trade. I didn't want to do that, but as I started picking him up at school I did notice his backpack sort of stuck out, so I finally brought mine in and emptied it. I emptied his pack and stuck my stuff in it. It fit so I traded. He was happy for about 30 seconds. For him that isn't bad. I enrolled him in karate and tonight is his first class. I haven't bought a gi for him, let him get a couple of weeks in and make sure he won't drop out first. So he needed to take a pair of sweat pants and a tshirt with him to change into for class. He did not want to put those in his backpack. It wasn't like I was asking him to carry anything potentially embarrassing like a jock strap and cup or something. He threw a fit. He wanted to stick them in a grocery bag and carry them separate. That might be reasonable except that this boy would forget his feet on the bus if they weren't attached. The backpack is the only thing he don't forget. He would not tell me why he didn't want to put the clothes in the backpack and I go through the backpack pretty much every night and he don't pack until the last minute so I know what's in the backpack when it arrives and leaves here. I finally said, "No clothes in the backpack, no karate." He pouted his way into his room. 30 seconds later he peaked around the corner to see if my grinch-like heart and grown 10 sizes or something, then sulked back. At 6:30 I told him to get a move on it was time for the bus. He sloooowly packed the clothes into a plastic bag and sloooowly put that in the backpack. Then we sulked to the road where he suddenly seemed to forget everything. WTH????




I have a magical hotwheel. It can teleport itself. It apparently teleported from his room to school where it was either lost or traded at recess. It teleported because he would never have taken it to school when he was told not to do that. Then it teleported teleported itself into the teacher's desk drawer. It had to have happened that way because he would never play with it during class and have it confiscated it. And lastly it teleported itself into my dryer where apparently all lost, teleporting hotwheels go to be found.




The boy did another weird thing. This is most definitely a learning experience. They moved him to a different class after the IAP meeting so new teacher. The first teacher and I had already gone through the whole milk break and snacks thing, but the new teacher didn't know it. When I went to the parent teacher thing one thing that come up was that the boy was helping himself to her basket of snacks for the kids that forgot or lost a snack during milk break. Elementary school teachers seem to be kind of awesome like that. Not like icky probation officers who are always grouchy. Anyway, she thought I might not know that I could send a snack with him. "I've been sending 2 every morning, usually either 2 fruit roll ups or a fruit roll up and some other fruit thing." Anyway the munchkin was apparently, I have nothing other than his word for this after intense interrogation and translation, eating one treat on the bus and either giving the other away or trading it for something else. Then scarfing a snack from the teacher. Yesterday when we had the altercation over work out clothes, I forgot the break milk ticket, which he insists is a "fake milk ticket," ran out. So I intended to send $6 with him for a new milk ticket. It worked once. I forgot, so I detoured by the store, made change and drove to the school with the money and 2 fruit rollups. One went into the back seat for pre-karate electrolytes or something, the other and the money I dropped off at the front desk. The very nice woman at the desk located him and passed the money and instruction along to him. In the telephone call afterwords, she said he got an odd look on his face so she asked the janitor to watch him. Bless the man, because he did, even though monitoring insane 9 year-olds probably isn't anywhere in his job description. The boy bought something, later investigation indicates a notepad, at the book store then gave the rest of the money to a friend. Once reported, the Principal managed to straighten it out and get him a milk ticket. I find myself constantly thanking and apologizing to the awesome people at the school.




Started a load of laundry and fished out the bag containing his school clothes he had worn prior to changing into his clothes for karate. The items included a pair of underwear. "You changed underwear to go to karate?" I asked. "Yeah." he answered looking at me like I was nuts.

Things I Have Discovered

Well, I survived my first month as a foster parent, they actually call us resource parents.  I am also doing this solo, so I survived my first month as a single foster parent.  Some of it was fun, some frustrating, and a bit was infuriating, but it was enlightening.  I haven't been a parent, so while I realize it isn't exactly like being a Dad.  I don't have any sort of biological connection to the boy, and I haven't known him since the day he was born.  I have only the vaguest idea what he's been through and have to figure out what he has been taught, what values he has had instilled in him, and what he feels is normal.  I am 45 years old and grew up in a small town in the rural southern United States.  So my upbringing was conservative and conventional and probably would be considered old-fashioned among other less polite adjectives, so some of what I am discovering saddens me.

I have the boy in an after school program to try to improve his grades.  It also means my parents only have to deal with him on Friday afternoon for a little while until I make it home.  When picking him up last week he asked me when my job was over.  I told him I normally finished work sometime between 4:30 and 5:30, it was a bit different every day.  He then said no, when was my job done.  I told him that it was never done.  That surprised him.  Next he asked me when I got my summer break.  I told him I didn't get a summer break, breaks were over when you finished school  I did get vacation time, but not a long break.  So he suggested I quit my job.  I told him if I quit, I would no longer get paid and we couldn't afford to live.  He was puzzled by this and asked why I wouldn't get a check in the mail every month like everyone else.

Apparently in his view of normal things no one connected to him had to work.  I've already discussed his diet in a previous post.  I was also made aware during a meeting with his teacher, principal, school psychiatrist, caseworker, and special education specialists that apparently in his first 2 years of school he attended school about 100 days.  That's for both years.

It is really sad that no one has ever taken care of this child.  He doesn't understand about work, school has never been stressed as important.  I finally made him understand that he wasn't going back to his parent in a few days and he is starting to take school a bit more seriously.  But I feel more a drill instructor than parent.  He sits down at the table and writes spelling words while I prepare dinner.  Then we go through homework, he is a little better about knowing what he needs to do.  For the first several weeks I had to search his backpack examining every paper and making a best guess at what needed to be done.  On several occasions he deliberately forgot stuff.  I started making up homework harder than he would have had.  But it really boiled down to that meeting when I found how much he was playing the teacher and me against each other and being a very sneaky about school work.  He lost all tv, movie, and video game rights for 1 week.  I left the playstation and xbox in his room but confiscated controllers and power supplies.  I took all remotes and everything was locked in my room.  I would not let him on the computers either.  Of course, I didn't have any TV and had the boy non-stop for a week, so we both got punished, but with a few minor exceptions he has behaved better.

The impressions I get is the boy was ignored and allowed to do as he pleased, he ate what he wanted, as much as he wanted, and was occasionally given stuff when the parents felt guilty about letting him raise himself.  He seems to have had no rules or chores.  So I am a bit of a shock to him.  He also tends to talk back and wants to argue.  Initially he would walk into a room, take over the TV even if you watch it.  He now asks if he can watch TV or change the channel if it was on.  After taking over the TV, he would turn off the lights, even if you were in the room reading or writing, so he could see it better.  That happened twice, not once since.  He ate meals in front of the TV or in bed,  left his clothes where he took them off and left the soap laying in the bathtub.  He now eats at the table, eats what is on his plate and asks permission to leave the table.  I had to institute that last part, because I found him stuffing his mouth full then flushing vegetables he didn't like down the toilet.  I am still working on the clothes thing, but that might be 9 year old boy.  I bought him body wash in a Spiderman bottle because I wasn't quite ready to add another front to the war.  The back talk and arguing is an ongoing battle, but is improving.  Some of it might be attention seeking.  He has tried cursing once, and told me to bite him once.  Both those were dealt with.  He has tried crying on me twice, I ignore it.  Both times were frustration over being made to sit and do homework.  If he don't like to do something he tries to wear me down by doing it slowly or by rushing it and not paying attention.  He has to redo it.  Since he knows it is coming, he will often take an hour or more to eat.  When he finally realizes that he has used up all his free time and will have to take a bath and go bed, he gets mad.  So he tries to cry.  I ignore it.  He stops.  A couple of weeks ago after a crying jag, he went back to working then looked up at me and glared.  He then informed me he was mad at me.  Apparently this was supposed to have some sort of earthshaking consequence.  I informed him that I didn't care, and went to washing dishes. I think this is when he realized he was really no longer in charge.

The sermon at church Sunday was on fatherhood and the pastor pointed out that when you became a parent, raising that child was now a major priority.  It was god, then family, then whatever else.  He pointed out that was no longer the norm in the US.  He said that often the child ruled the family.  "Why," he asked, "you are so much bigger."  "But Pastor, he says he hates me if I punish him."  "So?  He'll get over it!"  And he does.

I don't have the answers.  I am stumbling along blindly on advice, instinct and memory, but being there, being in charge, being willing to suffer a bit, spending time, and showing and doing instead of just telling seem to be making a difference in the way my little man behaves and I am seeing some changes that may hint at bigger things.  And it isn't just me, one of the counselors mentioned he seemed better behaved and calmer last week.  Updates later.

Start of my Day

The boy came home from school yesterday with a cardboard carton of orange juice crammed into the stretchy nylon mesh pocket of his backpack. After an intense interrogation, I was able to determine that apparently the orange juice had manifest itself into the backpack pocket sometime between boarding the bus yesterday morning and my discovering it at 7 PM that night, but he insisted he planned on drinking it. Not sure how long he had it and knowing it probably had not been refrigerated in several hours, I felt it safer to not drink it and deposited it in the garbage. He was still sleeping when I got into the shower, but was sitting innocently on the couch almost ready for school, he forgot to use deodorant or brush his teeth, when I went to wake him. When I went to start coffee, the juice carton was sitting on the kitchen counter in a pool of yellow liquid, even more battered than the previous night. A second small pool of yellow liquid was in the middle of the kitchen floor. The cardboard container had apparently defeated him. That is how the day started for me.

I Hate the US Food Industry

I'm losing weight.  I was for awhile then I seemed to stop but now I have had 3 non-related individuals mention that I seems to be losing weight.  I also have noticed that some of my pants no longer stay up without a belt and recently I can wear some shirts that before were a bit tight, while many of my comfortable shirts are now a bit too roomy.  Mostly I attribute this do my eating.  I don't eat out much, I am eating a lot of vegetables, beans and whole grains.  I have cut back on starches, red meat and dairy.  I am also again working on portion control.  But the main thing is trying to cut out processed foods, and specifically avoiding high fructose corn syrup and anything that says hydrogenated.  I don't eat a lot of sugar, but if I am going to I try for actual sugar or some other type of sweet like maple syrup, agave or honey.  Despite the massive number of commercials and websites paid for by the corn industry, I tend to believe the Princeton independent study more.  Mainly because it makes sense.  Especially if you factor in the fact the U.S. obesity problem seems to correlate with the start of the use of high fructose corn syrup instead of sugar.  This is because the government subsidy of corn let farmers sell corn at a lose, meaning the highly processed corn syrup became cheaper than cane or beat sugar.  Now it is used in everything and not just as a sweetener.  You can find it in stuff like corn chips because it is also used as a preservative.  I sort of took this for granted for a bit until this weekend when it again hit home.  I have a foster son and he has a lot of food issues.  Saturday he was griping about the pancakes I made claiming they didn't taste right.  I made the pancakes from scratch and when I told him, he freaked out.  Pancakes were supposed to come in a big box and be put in the microwave and then covered in syrup and eaten.  My pancakes consisted of flour, baking powder, eggs, milk and a little vanilla flavor and sugar.  The syrup was Lob Cabin Natural which is sweetened with sugar and soy syrup.  I had the same pancakes but drizzled a Mexican caramel sauce made with sugar and goat's milk on it rather than drenching in syrup and thought they were great.  He ate them all so couldn't have been too bad.  But he keeps complaining about stuff and I originally started by trying to gradually change things, so I bought some of the food he likes and it's all has the HFCS in it.  Most of the time it's one of the first 4 ingredients which means it's one of the main ingredients.  The canned pastas have it.  It's in the frozen pizzas and the juices he likes.  He will drink 100% apple juice fortunately.  He prefers pre-bottled drinks to mixes I do at home, even the pre_sweetened ones.  And the healthy snacks they suggested for breaks at school?  He won't eat Goldfish.  Fruit roll ups seem the best.  They contain sugar and corn syrup and dried corn syrup and partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil.  The fruit gushers are worse, they have sugar, corn syrup and dried corn syrup all as part of the first five ingredients, then they have frucose and partially hydrogenated cotton seed oil.  Four different kinds of sweetener.  The worst offender was the yogurt tubes that claimed to be low fat.  The second ingredient was sugar the forth HFCS.  There was a lot of stuff in there I can't pronounce and a little research on the internet revealed one of those tubes has more sugar than a can of Coca Cola.  Low fat, well so are soft drinks, but we don't think they are healthy.  This is nuts, no wonder we are so fat.

The Mind of a 9-year-old Boy and other Horrible Things

It's been 2 weeks now as a single foster-father of a nine-year-old boy.  It's been culture shock.  I have learned much.  First, the reason God sealed our heads shut, was because if he didn't 9 year-old boys would leave their brains on the school bus.  Why not, they don't seem to use them!  Last week, my foster son left a perfectly good red and blue light weight jacket on the school bus.  Yesterday, the bus dropped him off at my parents.  When I showed up to get him, I was jumped by an angry mother, because I let him go to school on such a cold day with no jacket.  I turned around around and asked him, "Where's your jacket?" "I didn't wear...didn't wear one today, remember?" he answered.  "You didn't wear one?" I asked innocently.  "Yeah," he said sounding more confident.  "I didn't wear one."  "Then what do you call the blue and white thing you put on when I told you to put on a jacket right before we left the house this morning?"  This caused my Dad to snicker.  "Oh, yeah, I left that in the gym."  An interrogation followed that left me with the certain knowledge that maybe the jacket had been left in the gym, he may or may not have told his teacher, who may or may not have taken him to check the lost and found."  I went into the school this morning, but no one was in the office.  I called the school today, he has a light windbreaker and a winter coat, but his two middle weight jackets are MIA.  The windbreaker may be when I get home tonight, as he wore it today.  I saw him pull it off the minute he hit the gym and sat down to wait for breakfast to be served.

He doesn't like school.  Getting homework information is like interrogating a war criminal without a waterboard.  The teacher does send stuff home, including a list of the next weeks homework assignments on Friday.  Monday he was to do 2 pages of math, I am unsure whether it was for homework or inclass.  He didn't have a handout to do and turn in, but he brought this language and science books, neither of which he had homework in.  He also brought a sheet they completed in school. It was seven questions involving science terms.  He was to have filled in the missing words.  The needed words were listed at top.  There were seven of those also.  Not too tricky.  The ugly red note said he was given 30 minutes to complete it and turned it in blank.  When he was given a second chance to do it, he completed it in 5 minutes, but all seven were wrong.  I sat him down at the kitchen table.  Turned off every electronic gadget in the house and he corrected the sheet while I made dinner.  Then he was forced to eat horrid vegetables.  He went to the bathroom twice.  I am fairly sure he was spitting out carrots and flushing them.  (The veggies weren't punishment, I ate them, they were good.  He just wants to live on junk food.)  Then homework, then valentines for the party, then putting away clean laundry and picking up dirty laundry, then he had an hour left to play video games.

Last night he brought home an empty backpack.  First time he ever carried it home empty.  Very suspicious behavior, I thought.  He claimed no homework.  I had his spelling words, so he wrote those 10 times each as I cooked dinner.  He tried to cheat and only do them 7, 8, or 9 times, so he had to finish them and write them again 5 times each.  He again tried to be sneaky.   He "finished" his vegetables and left the table, left cheek bulging.  "Where are you going?" I inquired.  "Bathroom" he answered.  "Wait a minute, please." When he turned around and looked at me I said, "Swallow first."  He did then sat back down.  I made up 20 math problems based on his last 2 homework sheets.  He did those.  Then he fixed the ones he did wrong.  Then I made up sentences with his spelling words and he wrote those out 3 times each to practice his cursive.   Then he picked up his room.  He had an hour of free time before bed.  Which meant I had 2 hours of free time before bed.  I really miss my nightly news.

He has some bad habits.  For instance, when he enters a room, he is king.  He thinks nothing of changing the TV channel regardless of who is watching it.  If he finds a show he likes he will also turn off the light to enhance his viewing pleasure, even if I am reading or writing something.  That has stopped.  He also has some eating issues.  I am told 9 year-old boys are basically walking converters of food to poop.  But this is excessive.  I no longer poke food down him when he starts this.  I allow him some snacks, but not what he is  used to.  He is being forced to eat what is put on the table.  He can have a decent serving of meat, but has to eat all the vegetables on his plate or no snacks.  I am also working with limiting his liquids between bed and supper.  He has some sleeping issues.  Last weekend I think he got up at night and spent a few hours between 11 PM and 2 AM playing games Friday night.  I had taken some cold medicine that made me sleep deeper than normal but woke a bit after 2 and caught him trying to enter the DVD code.  I know he sat up most of Saturday night watching Dragon Ball Z DVD's I got him.  I didnt' let him nap Sunday, but we had a rough Sunday night because a call from his mother gave him night terrors that didn't leave until midnight.  He slept okay Monday and Tuesday nights, at least nothing woke me and there was no evidence the next morning, I gave up on night time cold meds after Saturday night.  He lost his DVD's Sunday.  I also told him if I caught him watching TV, movies or playing games after bedtime again, all electronic stuff was poof and probably not coming back.  Previous placements have said he wandered the house at night.  I don't think he is.  I am resigned to the fact that I will be warden.  Hopefully we will bond more, he is a cute guy and can be very fun and funny when he lets himself be a kid, but that isn't often.  Hopefully, I can eventually soften the structure a bit, but it really seems to be what he needs.  He seems happy when he isn't testing the boundaries.  He had an initial habit of wanting to throw fits in public places and acting out.  He would also run off.  We established on the third day with me that I wasn't chasing him.  I told him in the middle of Walmart, "You'll either come back or you won't, and if you don't I'll come up with a good story for DSC."  He hasn't run off since.  I initially tried to reason with him him on the fits, but Saturday I just started ignoring them.  I decided it was attention seeking and rewarding it was just feeding the behavior.  Haven't had him out in public again since then so not sure if it's working or not.

Latest Update

Sorry to be late, but things began to move fast on me.  I received a call January 31 asking me if I would be willing to take a 9 year old boy, small for his age with some anger issues.  After asking a few questions and reminding them I could have conflicts, the woman I was speaking to assured me the child was from out of state.  I agreed, but they had to wait for someone else they had already asked to respond.  They called a couple of hours later to say they would call me tomorrow.  About 10 AM the next day I received a call and was told they would meet me about 5 PM.  I made it home, and about 5:30 a blond-headed boy was asking me what kind of game systems I had.  None, unfortunately.  I have since learned many things.  When I was nine, girls were lesser beings to be ignored or pushed on the playground.  He likes them.  Especially the "hot" ones.  That worries me a bit, but my more kid experienced coworkers say it isn't that unusual.  Also he hates all food except pizza, chicken nuggets, spaghetti, and cereal that looks like cookies.  He has since added hot dogs, bbq sauce, chocolate ice cream, oatmeal cookies, and beefy macaroni He hates all television except Dragon Ball Z.  Except Phineas and Ferb when no one is looking, and Kicking It, and Kick Buttowski, and Victorious, and Wizards Of Waverly Place, and Tom and Jerry Kids.  He loves school but hates all classes except lunch and recess.  He can be extremely independent but occasionally admits needing help.  He can be very well behaved one minute and totally out of control the next.  He is both cute and frustrating.  It's been five days and we are slowly adjusting to one another.

Update

Two weeks and still no decision.  My homestudy is still apparently awaiting approval by the regional administrator.  This wouldn't bother me so much, except that I keep seeing and hearing all these commercials about how much need there is for foster parents and begging people to become foster parents.  Maybe if the process didn't take six months or more......

Quick, Rant-Free Update

Well, I cleared another hurdle.  The board, whoever they are, approved my home study.  Now it is being passed to the Regional Director for approval.  If he approves, my home may be opened for foster children this week.  Will post when I can.  I also have some weird work news and a couple of rants I want to do.  Hopefully I can make the time in the next couple of days.

Detour PATH to Fatherhood

I recently, well 6 months or so ago, discovered a co-worker was a new foster parent.  This was something I had considered several times in my life, but always post-phoned until later for some reason or other.  The last time I thought of it was about a month previous to this and I was in the process of divorcing, so I assumed a single man would not be eligible.  My co-worker was a single mom, so this put me to thinking and I did an internet search.  According to the info I found, marital status, sex, income, religion, all played no role.  The only requirements were to pass a criminal background check, undergo training, agree to continued training, have enough of an income to not need the board fee to survive, have an appropriate home and time to care for the children.  There later turned out to be some other stuff, and they didn’t mention an endless ability to do paperwork and unending patience (not with the children, with the whole application process). 

I think pounced on my co-worker and quizzed her.  She more or less confirmed what I found, although she did warn me that DSC would be “all up in my grill about my personal bizness and who I was sleeping with”.  She sometimes tries to talk “street”.  Considering she is a native Tennessean from the  Cumberland Plateau, it sounds odd hearing “street” with native hillbilly “twang”.  I found nothing to worry me about this, I’ve been cleared for state and federal jobs and have a carry permit, background checks are almost second nature to me.  As far as the rest, sex is something I vaguely remember, but haven’t experienced in about 3 years.  So I called a 1-800 number and left contact information.  The next day, I was called back and more information was taken.  Then I was called again the next day and told about PATH Classes.  They sent me information in the mail about the classes.  The next ones started in August.  I signed up and was confirmed.  This was quick, everyone said there was a massive need for foster parents.  Then it slowed down.  There was some confusion, since they had just started a new method of teaching the Parents As Tender Healers (Tennessee likes its cute acronyms) classes.  Formerly, they were 10 weeks long.  In an effort to encourage more foster parents,  they went to a 5 week course, with the remaining half of the hours to be sort of an independent study done within the next year.  This in itself was confusing because the course was 6 weeks and there were 2 nights of classes the last week.  It later came out that the final 2 classes on first aid and medicine administration weren’t considered PATH classes.  Anyway, I spent one day a week from the end of August through September driving 60+ miles one way and attending 5 hour classes, except for the last 2 which were 5 hours long and in the same week.

The classes themselves were not bad, but the system was new and people could join in the classes at any time, rather than start with the first class, they would just have to make up any they had missed.  As a result, there was never the same number of people in class.  The first class there were about 10 of us.  The second over 20, on at least 2 nights we had over 40.  Initially we met in a conference room at a motel.  The air conditioning was broken, after the third meeting at 90 – 100 degree’s Fahrenheit, one of the attendees was pastor of a local church and offered their conference room and meeting hall.  It was air conditioned and free of charge.  It also added about 10 miles and 15 minutes to my drive. 

There was never the correct number of handouts or certificates.  People never seemed to pay attention, often missing something, then having to ask, or getting off topic.  It reminded me a lot of staff meetings and training at work.    The first day of class we were given a 50 pound packet of forms, most of which had to be filled out.  There were all kinds of things, many of which were not clearly explained.  It was suggested we go ahead and start this as otherwise it might become overwhelming.  Fortunately, I am a state employee and as such have become accustomed to redundant paperwork.  We were given assignments each evening (aka homework) These were turned in the following class.  Toward the end, we were each interviewed by our instructor, who had to recommend us or not as potential foster parents.  Incidentally, if you want to adopt in this state, you must undergo this process and must foster the child or children for 6 months before you can adopt.  So we had some adoptive parents in our class.  Also, if you have family placed with you, in other words, are fostering relatives, due to the parents’ death, incarceration, temporary or permanent loss of parental rights, then you have to undergo this process even if you already have the children in your care.  These people tend to gripe about having to go through “this” for “something they already have”. 

After this comes the home study.  This is a process that is either handled differently out of different offices, or changed when they changed the way class was offered.  I was told about a week after completing the classes I would be contacted and I would be interviewed 3 times, once at my home.  My home would be inspected on one of these visits.  My co-worker said she only had one interview, at her home and it was 4 hours long.  So I waited.  Two weeks passed and nothing.  I emailed my instructor, nothing.  Finally after a month, I was insane.  I had spent the time during class getting my home ready based on a checklist in the 50 lb packet.  I had cleaned and scrubbed and painted and rearranged and bought furniture.  All my electrical outlets have plastic covers over them.  Just vacuuming the carpets now requires carrying a pry bar from room to room.  My medication, even vitamins and ibuprofen are locked in a heavy plastic toolbox.  My cleaning supplies are in my bathroom sink protected by a padlock.  I have my fire alarms, smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors installed and graphed onto a floor plan of my house.  That plan is laminated and taped to the fridge.  It shows all exits, includes the location of the fire extinguishers, and all emergency numbers. 

My back bedroom now has two twin beds.  The children can’t just sleep on the utility room floor; each child has to have a separate bed.  There has to be a designated sleeping area, separate from the other areas of the house, the sleeping area has to have a window.  This last part worries me, because it makes me think that someone was keeping kids in a dark closed in room somewhere at sometime.  It wouldn’t be a rule unless someone was doing that.  If you wonder why I have two twin beds, it’s because they were free, I really wanted a bunk bed set.  Also, I am not being kid-greedy.  I originally started this because after I separated I had given up on the idea of a family.  She hadn’t wanted kids, so I gave up at that point, but now I am alone and I would like to try to be a father.  My life is currently my job.  I have time, love, and patience and want to try.  This seems like a good way to explore being a father.  I have people watching over me, so hopefully I can’t screw up too much.  True, I may start with a child with issues, but they need someone.  If things work out and we bond, I may get hurt if I have to give him back, but adoption is not out of the question.  Either way, I can experience part of fatherhood, and do some good.  But the two beds are because I was told these kids rarely come as singles. 

Finally in late October, my co-worker gave me contact name and number.  She lives in a different county than I do, so her case manager is in a different office than I would be dealing with.  I called and was given the contact information for my office.  I had already talked to a couple of people, who would only tell me someone would contact me.  I was worried, because the instructor for our class did not have our final completion certificates either, and was supposed to have mailed them.  No one ever contacted me, I was having to do all the contacting.  That wasn’t helping much.  Finally, after I called the number my co-worker gave, I was contacted and assigned a case worker.  My first appointment was on Halloween.  It lasted an hour.  I was given another packet to fill out and instructions.  I was set with an appointment to have my fingerprints taken for a background check.  She asked lots of questions.  Next appointment was a month away.  I gave her copies of pay stubs, driver’s license, car insurance, health insurance,  carry permit, divorce decree, birth certificate, a health recommendation from my doctor, references, car registration, and proof of pet vaccinations.  We did a walk through of the house. 

The packet was a very noisy packet asking about my childhood, income and expenses, religious practices.  It asked a lot about handling situations ect.  The second interview lasted 3 and ½ hours.  We filled out a ton of paperwork.  Many of the questions involved how I dealt with stress and anger, my childhood, any issues with medication and alcohol, how I relaxed.  We also discussed household rules, how would I punish a child, how would I deal with different types of behavior.  At this point, my background had been checked both by local and state law enforcement, my credit and driving record were checked and everything was okay.  She made a couple of recommendations for the house, I submitted my paperwork on what types of children I felt best working with.  The next appointment was two weeks away.  I fixed what she wanted on the house, did my floor plan and emergency contact number, gathered the remaining paperwork for her and prepared for the last interview.  She took my picture and pictures of each room of the house and the exterior.  We went through the checklist.  By the way, every gun, even the bb guns is locked in a metal cabinet and each has either a trigger lock or a slide lock.  The ammunition is stored in a separate cabinet, also locked. 

Today, 12/22/11 my homestudy is being presented.  I should know if I am approved sometime next week.  I have jumped through hoops for the chance to help some children.  I understand that they have to thoroughly check me out, so I am trying to be patient.  It just isn’t easy at this point.  I had hoped to maybe have a child for the holidays.  That seemed like it would be so much fun. 

I am both frustrated and excited.  My caseworker seems to feel I will be approved, although probably restricted to no more than 2 male children, no infants, only minor behavioral problems.  I asked for 1 to 2 male children between 3 and 10 years of age.  Seems like a good fit to me.

Let you know when I know.

Holidays and Facebook

Facebook really annoys me.  I enjoy some of the things on it, like keeping track of birthdays of friends, relatives, coworkers, friendly coworkers and total strangers.  It has also allowed me to reconnect with old friends, classmates, ect. And gives me a way to easily share in some of their important moments and let them share in mine.  It also makes griping, bitching, moaning and being sarcastic easier than ever.  It does annoy me though, first I hate the resent redesign, I really hate how it now determines what is important enough to make my news feed and slaps everything else onto a tiny ticker in the corner, unless I am lucky, I have to visit each friends homepage to see what happens since it seems to miss a lot of interesting stuff.  I am not even going to venture into the stupid little games.  But two of the biggest gripes I have involve my friends.  Apparently as we gotten older a great many of them have found faith and I am very happy for them and wish them the best.  I do however get annoyed at their method of displaying their faith.  I don’t like religion.  That being said, no I am not an agnostic or an atheist.  I have made my proclamation of faith, confessed my sins and invited my savior into my life.  I do belong to a church and I do believe in God and the word of God.  I consider faith a deeply personal thing.  I won’t be making hourly, daily, weekly or monthly posts proclaiming that unless I copy and post this message I am a bad Christian or I don’t love Jesus or something.  First, if I remember my Sunday School lessons right, that could be considered passing judgment on someone, and I’m fairly sure the Bible says that’s God’s job.  Second, that’s a very negative way to witness, and again, I thought that while the Bible stresses the importance of witnessing, it also states you should avoid any actions that might lead others astray or prevent them from accepting Jesus as savior.  Do the people that post these really think spamming the social network equivalent of a chain letter is going to convert a non-believer?  If you want to post that God is wonderful, more power to you.  If you want to post that God has made a beautiful day, good for you.  That might lift my spirits to read.  If you want to make a post about how your faith helped you through a difficult time, that’s inspirational.  If you post about being at a particular church or enjoying the company and fellowship of friends, those are good.  They let me know you are enjoying your life and faith.  They show witness in a powerful and positive way.  And they let me know that your faith is real, and not a copy and paste note.  Faith is a deep and personal thing that makes you stronger and wiser, religion, to me, is a tool used by people to do horrible things to other people. 

Part two of my rant:

I hate the posts that proclaim saying anything other than “merry Christmas” is somehow leaving Christ out of Christmas.  First “Christmas”  means “Christ’s Mass” or communion, or the Lord’s Supper.  Second, Jesus wasn’t born on or near December 25.  The Bible doesn’t state exactly when Jesus was born, but it does say he was born 6 months after John the Baptist.  Based on evidence in the Bible, John was probably born in early April at Passover, This is based on when Zachariah would have been serving in the temple and encountered the Angel who made the announcement of John’s conception.  If Jesus was born 6 months later, assuming a normal term of pregnancy for Mary, he would have been born in September. The birth of Jesus was not considered an important event to celebrate by the early Church, which was more concerned with the death and resurrection.  When Charlemagne decided to make Christianity the national religion of Rome, there was an issue.  The new Christians tended to continue to celebrate the Pagan holidays, particularly the winter Solstice, December 25.  Since taking a holiday away was likely to result in revolt, they cooped the “bad” holiday with a good one.  Later, in the US of A it was determined that since the Christians stole the holiday from the non-Christians, it would be okay to steal it from them, so they added a fat guy in a red suit with flying livestock and turned it into a contest to see who could spend the most money they didn’t have while pepper-spraying the most competitors.   

An Update on My Weight Loss Progress

If my home scales can be believed, I am now down to 260 lbs.  That's 15 less than in July.  The thing is, I am not really trying. I have snacked occasionally, giving in to the allure of ice cream and peanut m and m's.  I usually treat myself to a pizza or two, usually store bought frozen or cook and eat from a grocery rather than restaurant on weekends or to some other non-healthy food.  Mostly though, I like my new way of eating, it is amazing how much more energy I have and how much better my mood usually is.  I don't feel deprived either and I have taken to exploring new ways to cook foods and even new foods.  I recently found that beets are a rather awesome vegetable.  Last night I made latkes using beets, sweet potatoes and carrots rather than potatoes, they were wonderful  I also found a black bean burger recipe I like.  My current goal is to wean myself from the diet sodas.  They need to become a sometimes food.  I am finding that I can eat all I want, even snack, and still approach a more healthy weight.  Eating less calories than you burn is the only way to lose weight, but I think that all calories are not equal and by paying attention to where your calories are coming from you get better quality calories that are not only nutritious but which also help control your desire to snack.  I am not in any danger of becoming a vegan or even a vegetarian, but I am finding those are good places to go to discover both new recipes and how to cook stuff that isn't meat.

I grew up in the Southern US and traditionally vegetables were cooked one of 3 ways:

1)  Boiled until they were a soggy, unrecognizable lump at which point they were smothered in salt and covered in some type of sauce or fat or both (butter, margarine, grease, gravy, cheese, ect.)
2) Fried in fat until unrecognizable then heavily salted and covered in something. (usually reserved for potatoes)
3) Covered in flour, cornmeal or breading and fried until unrecognizable then salted. (okra and squash come to mind)

Also, no meal was a meal without meat (you could substitute beans, but they were usually flavored with scraps of inedible meat), or bread of some type.  I was out of college before I discovered you didn't have to have meat in a sandwich.  Unfortunately it was only a few years ago I tried a meatless sandwich.  My first was a felafel,  my next was hummus.  My first meatless burrito involved a portabello mushroom cap marinated in Caribbean jerk sauce and grilled. 

Linux Land

Well, I am approaching the one year mark on switching to Linux and I have learned many things.  I started out running Sabayon on both my laptop and desktop.  Sabayon is a Gentoo distribution that is a rolling distribution.  For those of you who might stumble on this lacking a background in Linux buzzwords, here a a few very simple explanations.  Linux is an operating system for personal computers based on the Unix operating system used on larger computers.  It is considered powerful and stable but not generally user friendly.  It is open sourced, mostly, meaning anyone can get the code and modify it for free, mostly.  There are basically two major bloodlines, or flavors, of Linux, Gentoo and Debian.  I believe Debian is the larger.  The difference between the two is beyond my level of geekness, however I think it has to do with when operations are compiled, or perhaps when the os is compiled.  Brands, or styles, or schools of Linux are referred to as distributions.  Some of the more popular distributions of Linux are Ubuntu, Mint, Fedora, Open Suse, Mandriva.  These are, I believe, all open source, they are most definitely available for use for free.  I also believe they are all Debian based.  Gentoo based operating systems seem less popular.  The rolling distribution means that rather than publishing updates set times a year, the system was updated constantly.  There was an update manager that checked regularly for updates and notified you so you could download and install them.  Fedora did the same though and it wasn't billed as a rolling distribution.

There are some things on Linux that is the same regardless of distribution, however other things may work differently in different distributions.  There are two main desktops, which are not directly linked to the operating system ala Windows, gnome and kde.  Kde is set up sort of like Windows, main toolbar on bottom, menus on left, while gnome is more like Apple OS with the menu bar on top and menus on the left.  The window appearance can be customized out the ying yang, but Sabayon and Fedora defaulted to the windows look with the min, max and close buttons on the right top and the toolbar to the top.  Ubuntu defaults to the Apple look with them buttons on the upper left of the window and the toolbar appears at the top of the desktop when the window is active.  The latest version of Ubuntu however uses a desktop called Unity.  The toolbar is a disappearing bar on the left of the screen, the toolbar is on the top with the available controls on the right.  It is hard to get used to but very pretty.  I have not played with the new version of gnome much, but I think it might be a bit more like Unity.

I was told Sabayon was not a good distribution to start with.  I didn't really get that because I thought things were going well with it.  Sabayon is definitely a pretty distribution.  I think maybe because I was used to fighting with things to make them work, I didn't realize how much extra effort I was putting into it.  There were a lot of things that weren't working right when Sabayon and I parted ways.  I installed quite a few updates on both my laptop and pc.  I was running Sabayon with gnome2.  Sabayon upgraded to 6.0 and installed the gnome3 update.  My pc never recovered.  I couldn't boot into the desktop and the recover mode would not boot.  I could get into terminal though and was able to uninstall and reinstall the desktop, however the system did not run very well.  It was extremely slow.  I finally gave up and reinstalled, which crapped out.  I was able to get my laptop to boot, however it did not like gnome 3 and went to the default desktop which was an ugly version of gnome 2 with no 3 d effects.  I used this to download and install Sabayon 6 kde.  I ran this successfully for a while.  I did download some other distros and tried booting to live cd's.  Sabayon was the only cd that did not loose my monitor, so I went back with it.  I did download Sabayon 6 gnome also, but was afraid to boot it.  I tested some distros on my lappy and went with Fedora on it, once the pc was running again.  Everything was fine until I had a school assignment that required me to create a podcast.  The pc would not recognize my usb mic.  It saw it but no changes I made in my sound setting would stay.  After pondering abit, I tried an experiment.  I unhooked the hdmi cable from my monitor and re-hooked it as super vga.  It now let me boot live cd's with ease.  I wasn't real happy with Fedora, and I missed my gnome 2 desktop.  I really had only 2 problems with Fedora.  It seemed very stable, although I didn't stress test it.  The first issue I had with Fedora was probably my fault.  I had installed a non-repository program and I had accidentally installed it as root.  I then had to uninstall and reinstall it as a standard user.  After that, whenever I used it, I would get a steady stream of security alerts. It was a minor annoyance, but not major.  The other issue I had was that the repository seemed much smaller than Sabayon's and many of the programs I had grown used to weren't available.  I originally chose Fedora because I had a blue scheme, similar but brighter than Sabayon and had good reports on the internet.  It did install quick, booted quick and seemed very stable.  I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it, although I didn't like the default office suite, there was a second one in the repository.  

I wanted gnome back on my desktop, but after several live cd's I went with Ubuntu 11.04, but because it was so damn different.  It's bright and colorful and warm where Sabayon was wonderfully blue, black and cold.   Unity is taking some getting adjustment, but overall I like it.  Once I installed the proprietary video driver, I was able to switch back to hdmi.  Otherwise everything is awesome and so far everything works with no fight.  I set up my surround sound and have great sound and the mic works.  I think once I get used to the desktop, I will be good.  I rather like it, it's quick and seems stable.  I was actually able to set it up and install everything on both computers in a single Sunday afternoon and still did my assignment on time.  I feel a bit guilty about abandoning Sabayon, but oh well. 

If you are used to Windows, but want to switch but don't want to much strangeness, try Mint.  It is the version of Linux set up to mimic Windows as much as possible.  If you are computer literate any distribution that uses a kde desktop will be easy for you to pick up.  Many times you can download either the kde or gnome version.  If you prefer Apple os and want your pc to work similar any gnome distro will work, although Ubuntu 10.8 will have the windows already set right for you.  If you just want to try something different, Ubuntu 11.04 with unity might interest you.

Weight Loss

I've made many posts about dieting, exercise, ect. I have tried many things. I have also noted on more than one occasion that dieting is not the answer, because dieting is a temporary thing and even if it works, when you stop and go back to your normal behavior, the weight comes right back, usually with friends. Well, I passed the 300lb mark. I went well past it into the 330lb range, around the end of last year. I just more of less let myself go completely for over 2 years. Mostly I was inactive, spending almost all of my time in front of a computer screen, usually while eating frozen pizzas, sandwiches or microwave food. As a result of the economy, our insurance at work has gotten crappier and crappier. This last go round, the cheapest insurance offered for my area was a BC/BS ppo. They offered 2 versions, normal and a cheaper version that required you to fulfill certain goals toward improving your health in return for lower premiums and co-pays. That's the one I went for.

I was on 2 blood pressure medications, a beta blocker and a diuretic as well as an anti-depressant and acid reflux medication. I use a cpap machine for sleep apnea. My doctor has been harping on me for some time about weight loss. Considering that I originally went in for chest pains, who can blame them.

Well as of February when I went in for the initial physical for my insurance plan, I weighed 311 pounds. I was reading an entertainment blog of all things where one of the staff writers was reviewing a documentary about whole food dieting. He relayed a personal story about having major health issues, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, obesity, ect. He was on about 20 different medications. He switched to a whole food diet and dropped about 30 pounds in 2 months. Within 6 months he was off all but 3 of the medications.

I had heard of a whole food diet, but thought it was the same as a raw food diet. It isn't. A raw food diet consists of eating only uncooked foods. A whole food diet consists of eating unprocessed foods, you can cook them however you want.

You want to avoid processed foods as much as possible. I am not fanatical about it, but most of what the diet advocates makes sense. I now buy mostly fresh vegetables and fruits. If I can't find fresh I will look for frozen. I try to avoid canned anything as much as possible. I buy whole grain cereals and breads. The above mentioned writer also cut out all his dairy and most of meats. I try to limit red meat to 2 servings a week, although I sometimes fall short of that goal. I try to eat fish 2 or more meals a week, and at least one day a week I try to eat no meat at all. I try to eat mostly chicken or turkey. I don't eat a lot of rice, but when I do it is long grain wild rice rather than the white rice. My breads are whole grain if possible. I try to not eat out more than once a week. I am smart enough to know if I start to crave something and refuse myself, eventually I give in, so if I crave a cheeseburger I try to make one at home, where I know what goes into it. If not I try to make that my meal out for the week and I don't have the fries. I do eat sweet potatoes, but not white potatoes. I love my cheese, but I have cut way down on it. I never drank a lot of milk, so that was no issue, although oddly enough I am eating high fiber, whole grain cereal. I was just topping it with yogurt and blue berries, but now I eat the yogurt and berries on the side, and use almond milk on the cereal.

I started exercise with just a daily walk, then added a light strength training regiment. I now do Zumba 5 times a week and strength train 4. I walk if I don't zumba. I am also deep cleaning the house and rearranging furniture, when that ends the Zumba with be 7 days a week. So far I am down to 275 and only take a calcium blocker for blood pressure and the acid reflux as needed instead of regularly. I almost never need it. I feel so much better. I have also learned a lot. Butter leaf and romaine lettuce are much more versatile than iceberg, kale is not my favorite raw vegetable but mixed into a salad or stir fry is palatable. Mangos are awesome if you learn how to tell when they aren't overripe. Jicama is a neat fruit that is crunchy and crisp like a water chestnut but a bit sweeter. They are a great snack or sliced into a salad. You can also slice them and use them like chips to eat salsa. Chilis are a great source of vitamins. Broad leaf spinach is good in stir fries and salads. As a general rule you want to eat lots of colorful foods, although carrots and corn tend to have a lot of sugar, so you might want to avoid using both in the same dish.

Weight Loss

I've made many posts about dieting, exercise, ect. I have tried many things. I have also noted on more than one occasion that dieting is not the answer, because dieting is a temporary thing and even if it works, when you stop and go back to your normal behavior, the weight comes right back, usually with friends. Well, I pass the 300lb mark. I went well past it into the 330lb range, around the end of last year. I just more of less let myself go completely for over 2 years. Mostly I was inactive, spending almost all of my time in front of a computer screen, usually while eating frozen pizzas, sandwiches or microwave food. As a result of the economy, our insurance at work has gotten crappier and crappier. This last go round, the cheapest insurance offered for my area was a BC/BS ppo. They offered 2 versions, normal and a cheaper version that required you to fulfill certain goals toward improving your health in return for lower premiums and co-pays. That's the one I went for.

I was on 2 blood pressure medications, a beta blocker and a diuretic as well as an anti-depressant and acid reflux medication. I use a cpap machine for sleep apnea. My doctor has been harping on me for some time about weight loss. Considering that I originally went in for chest pains, who can blame them.

Well as of February when I went in for the initial physical for my insurance plan, I weighed 311 pounds. I was reading an entertainment blog or all things where one of the staff writers was reviewing a documentary about whole food dieting. He relayed a personal story about having major health issues, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, obesity, ect. He was on about 20 different medications. He switched to a whole food diet and dropped about 30 pounds in 2 months. Within 6 months he was off all but 3 of the medications.

I had heard of a whole food diet, but thought it was the same as a raw food diet. It isn't. A raw food diet consists of eating only uncooked foods. A whole food diet consists of eating unprocessed foods, you can cook them however you want.

You want to avoid processed foods as much as possible. I am not fanatical about it, but most of what the diet advocates makes sense. I now buy mostly fresh vegetables and fruits. If I can't find fresh I will look for frozen. I try to avoid canned anything as much as possible. I buy whole grain cereals and breads. The above mentioned writer also cut out all his dairy and most of meats. I try to limit red meat to 2 servings a week, although I sometimes fall short of that goal. I try to eat fish 2 or more meals a week, and at least one day a week I try to eat no meat at all. I try to eat mostly chicken or turkey. I don't eat a lot of rice, but when I do it is long grain wild rice rather than the white rice. My breads are whole grain if possible. I try to not eat out more than once a week. I am smart enough to know if I start to crave something and refuse myself, eventually I give in, so if I crave a cheeseburger I try to make one at home, where I know what goes into it. If not I try to make that my meal out for the week and I don't have the fries. I do eat sweet potatoes, but not white potatoes. I love my cheese, but I have cut way down on it. I never drank a lot of milk, so that was no issue, although oddly enough I am eating high fiber, whole grain cereal. I was just topping it with yogurt and blue berries, but now I eat the yogurt and berries on the side, and use almond milk on the cereal.

I started exercise with just a daily walk, then added a light strength training regiment. I now do Zumba 5 times a week and strength train 4. I walk if I don't zumba. I am also deep cleaning the house and rearranging furniture, when that ends the Zumba with be 7 days a week. So far I am down to 275 and only take a calcium blocker for blood pressure and the acid reflux as needed instead of regularly. I almost never need it. I feel so much better. I have also learned a lot. Butter leaf and romaine lettuce are much more versatile than iceberg, kale is not my favorite raw vegetable but mixed into a salad or stir fry is palatable. Mangos are awesome if you learn how to tell when they aren't overripe. Jicama is a neat fruit that is crunchy and crisp like a water chestnut but a bit sweeter. They are a great snack or sliced into a salad. You can also slice them and use them like chips to eat salsa. Chilis are a great source of vitamins. Broad leaf spinach is good in stir fries and salads. As a general rule you want to eat lots of colorful foods, although carrots and corn tend to have a lot of sugar, so you might want to avoid using both in the same dish.

I'm In Shock

I am in shock, shock I say. Or rather, I was in shock, the anaphylactic kind. By the way, my spell checker hates the word anaphylactic, it wants to change it to prophylactic. It's an interesting story. Actually it isn't and if you hang around, your asking for it, but here goes. On a Friday, pretty much like any other Friday, I did nothing out of the ordinary. Around 9:30 PM or so, I decided to let my internet connection have a rest and I went to bed with a book. I had a headache so, I took two normal strength aspirin. I became interested in the book and read until about 11:00. Then I turned off the light and tried to drift off to dreamland. About 10 minutes later my chest and stomach were itching like crazy. The first two fingers on my right hand were feeling odd also. They were slightly numb, stiff and just basically uncomfortable. I got out of bed and turned my light on. My hand looked normal. I went to the bathroom and raised my tee shirt. I had red welts running down my torso. My mouth felt odd too, a bit dry and my tongue was not right, it felt a little thick. I had never experienced this before, but I had seen it on a couple of occasions. I went to my kitchen and prowled through my cabinet. I had no Benadryl, but I did find another antihistamine, and I took one. I could barely swallow it, my tongue felt as if it barely fit my mouth, and my right hand was visibly swollen. I dressed quickly and went next door. My parents finally answered and after I explained in slurred speach what was happening, my father drove me to the emergency room. By the time I got into the car, both hands were swollen so bad I could hardly use them, I could barely talk, I had hives running from my right wrist halfway to my elbow, and I itched like crazy from my neck to my groin. I was also beginning to worry, I could barely swallow and was wondering how long I would be able to breath. When we reached the hospital, they took one look at me, made me sign a form ( I am not sure what I wrote, and really have no idea if it can be read, I could not close my fingers around the pen), and sat me down and asked lots of questions about my activities, allergies, ect. I couldn't tell them a lot, until that night, my allergies were limited to poison ivy and tobacco smoke. They then stuck me in bed and jabbed a 37 foot long steel girder in the back of my right hand and wiggled it around until they found a vein. I didn't care, I felt nothing until they hit the vein. They then gentle sucked out a couple of liters of blood and disappeared. They returned with a library cart filled with about 900 syringes. He pulled out a couple.

Fortunately the girder was still embedded in me, so they could pretty much just pump me full of whatever without making new holes. I also had somewhere between 70 and 11,000 various sensors attached to me. The medical looking dude pumps something out of one of the syringes into me via girder express. That's Pepcid, he told me. I mumble about my stomach being fine, but he said not to worry, Pepcid is an antihistamine. Who knew? He then gave me steriods. I didn't grow mucsles, though. He then warned me that he was going to give me Benadryl, but he would have to do it slowly. He then proceeded to pump flaming sulfuric acid into me slowly. I was once given Phenergan in the hip when I had a kidney stone and I could not eat or drink due to instant barf syndrome. Up until this point that was the most unpleasant injection I ever had. It may still be, my opinion varies. The Phenergan was more intense. The flame seared through me, but then it was gone. Maybe because they gave it all at once. The Benadryl wasn't as hot, but it lingered melting its way slowly through my arm. I had to check visually to see whether or not the arm was melting. It took about 7 hours to inject the stuff into me. The wall clock lied. I know I was there. The medical dude then told me that I might get sleepy. I did not believe him, as my body was twitching and vibrating so much I had to be floating about 3 feet over the bed. I felt freaking weird. I was twitchy and nervous and jumpy x 12 million. On the other hand, my tongue felt almost normal and the hive seemed to have gone down, even if my hands would not close. I asked the dude and he said the meds he gave me were doing it. Ten minutes later my dad wandered in. He asked how I was doing, and I tried to explain that I had no fucking idea. I was sleepy, but too wired to stay still. Dad wandered over to the monitoring equipment and said my blood pressure was good.... Great. The doctor wandered in. He had been by a few times monitoring something or other. He asked a lot of questions. A cute lady came in and stole my insurance card, then brought it back and filled out paperwork for me. Then doc came back and quizzed me again. Now for the last year and a half I have been taking 2 blood pressure medications. One was a beta blocker and the other a diuretic. I also took an antidepressant. In the doctor's opinion, I had suddenly became allergic to one or more of these. He thought the beta blocker was the likely culprit. He instructed me to contact my regular doctor. He wrote me a script for steriods, and instructed me to buy pepcid and benadryll and to take two steriods daily for 5 days, 2 pepcid in the am and a benadryll every 4 hours. I was also to sleep standing up, well propped up. I slept, very nervously. My normal doctor is not in on Saturdays, but the clinic she works at is open and one of her partners was in, so I saw him. After the usual poking and prodding, it was determined that I had lost 21 pounds in the last 3 months (yay whole food diet and walking) my blood pressure was still good despite over 36 hours with no blood pressure meds, so he put me on a calcium blocker to replace the other meds. He took my steriod script, wrote me his own, so their pharmacy could fill it, wrote another for a stronger antihistamine than benadryll, but told me to by the Pepcid over the counter. I was instructed to not get hot, not be in a hot place, not to eat hot food, not to take a hot shower, you get the picture, heat is bad. I was to see my normal doctor on Friday. Here are a few facts, taking steriods and antihistamines makes one a bit twitchy. The average temperature for the week was 93 degrees Fahrenheit. I normally indulge in hot coffee only occasionally, but craved it all week. On Thursday I was out of steriods, so felt a bit better. On Friday my bp was good, so we did not add anymore meds. I traded 3 daily meds for one, which I can hopefully quit if I continue to lose weight. Now I took my bp meds around 6AM. I took one antidepressant at that time and a second pill about 8 PM. I had my little episode around 11 PM. The ER doc thought the beta blocker was the culprit, the clinic doc thought the diuretic was. My doc blames the antidepressant. Moral: You can become allergic to anything at anytime regardless of how long you have been exposed to it. I took 2 of those meds for 18 months and the third for over 3 months. I had no warning, it hit hard, fast and scared the hell out of me. I am keeping pepcid and benadryll tablets in the house now. If I have another scare I am taking two of each and running for the ER.

OOO That Smell

I once heard a comedian, I can't remember which one, who claimed that all men always wanted to see every woman (regardless of her appearance or age) naked. He's wrong. I am a man, I checked this morning to make sure, and I am a probation officer. I have female clients, at least that's the gender listed in their files. Very, very, very few of them would I wish to see even partially unclothed. There is an old phrase about undressing someone mentally. Not only do I not do that with 110% of my caseload (the very few clients I get who might be considered reasonably attractive I tend to know too much about to allow myself to even consider them as anything other than clients) there are probably about 20% that when I see, I mentally add insulated coveralls, heavy arctic parka with hood, snow mask and dark sunglasses. About half of those I also add a biological warfare suit for my protection.

Case in point. Yesterday one of my female clients showed up wearing denim shorts about 3 sizes too small for her and a low cut loose-fitting tank top. This lady was not particularly attractive. She was not fat by any means, but she really had no business dressing like that in public. She especially should not have come into probation in that garb, or lack thereof. I very definitely did not want to see anything and spent the interview in fear something would pop into view and I would be scarred for life. Our health insurance has very limited psychiatric benefits. Too make matters worse, she smelled horrible. She claimed she had been moving from her former house to an apartment, which was why she was dressed that way. I guess the smell was unwashed sweating felon, however it was a stench I normally associate with dumpsters. I was trying to interview the woman without looking at her and while breathing as little as possible. I knew I had to be fast, because that is the sort of smell you don't want to have around for long. It is the sort of smell that will make itself at home, eat the leftovers out of your fridge, hog the tv remote and stay way to damn long if it gets the chance. Not to mention I was trying not to vomit on my computer. I got her out as quick as possible. I thought about doing a drug screen, but I am currently on good terms with most of my female coworkers and I would like to keep it that way for a while if possible. I was too late, the smell had settled in and was trying to burn the paint off the walls and melt my filing cabinet. By the time I left work, it had set in on me. I smelled it all the way home. Once home, I stripped and dumped my clothes in the wash. I took a long, hot shower. And I could still smell it. It wasn't in my hair, I don't have any. It was such a strong smell, I was afraid to eat anything. I finally decided an exorcism was called for. To perform the exorcism I used the following ingredients. Two slices of whole wheat bread, 1 slice white onion, romaine lettuce leaves, 1 slice tomato, two tablespoons humus with tahini sauce, 4 strips of bell pepper, three pickled Serrano chiles with a couple of the included carrot slices, and a couple of dashes of habanero picante sauce with a slice of pepperjack cheese. That way I had supper and an exorcism at the same time.

My Problems with Linux

I decided, a few months ago, to do something I had been pondering for a couple of years. I decided to try Linux. I had never done it for fear of losing everything in a hard drive crash and burn. I had recently replaced the second hard drive in my PC though, and the laptop had a new operating system anyway. I created a backup image of my PC hard drive saved to the new second drive. I had long ago fell in love with the looks of Sabayon, so I downloaded not 1 but 2 of the latest distros, one of x86 KDE and one of x86 gnome. I then reread everything I could locate about dual booting, then shrank my windows partion and installed Sabayon KDE on my PC. It went smoothly, so I did the same on my laptop with gnome. The install was a piece of cake, it loaded all the drivers and everything first go. It took some adjustments, but I soon figured most stuff out and could look up the rest. Gnome took more adjusting than did KDE of course. Unfortunately, while trying to do everything I did with windows, I found one job I couldn’t find an open source app for, so I downloaded and installed some trial ware. It made my sound act funny, so I tried to uninstall it, and in the process somehow mess up my operating system. I couldn’t get back into the operating system on booting; it would not accept my password and the login screen looked wrong. In desperation I reinstalled Sabayon. I reinstalled it 3 times, because my 3-d effects would never again work right. I finally, on an impulse, installed the Gnome version and everything was golden. Until about 3 nights ago, when an update made me again lose my 3-d effects. Not only the effects, but unless I change my windows manager from compiz to metacity, I can’t resize or move my windows. I tried everything I could find on the internet and nothing has worked. I finally resorted to reinstalling, that didn’t help. I downloaded the 64bit amd install DVD and tried it, twice. It worked, until I update the system.

I downloaded live cd’s of Fedora, Ubuntu 11.04 and 10.10, Mint 10, and Opensuse. They would all boot up, but just before completely loading I would get a lost signal on my monitor and everything would go black. Rebooting back to the hard drive I tried several times to purge Nvidia Drivers, reinstall, revert to older version. None of that worked. I reinstalled conpiz, fusion icon, css numerous times. I finally tracked down that my video card wasn’t loading glx extensions when the drivers loaded. I reinstalled all my x11 components. I also consulted google, and located the folder where the extensions were supposed to be. The folder was there. The contents were there. It was an hour after my normal time to sleep, so I crashed in frustration. As I was going to sleep, I thought how odd it was that the live cd’s weren’t working, even if they didn’t have Nvidia proprietary drivers, they should still have the free drivers, and my lap top had booted to the live Opensuse and even had 3d effects. So when my cats decided 4:15 AM was the appropriate time to be fed breakfast and then refused to let me go back to sleep. I force-fed myself caffeine decided to quickly swap out my video card. I thought I had an exact duplicate, but the other card turned out to be an older agp card, rather than pci express. I put the old card back in and hooked it back up to the monitor. I restarted the computer. After another shot of caffeine, on a whim, I loaded fusion icon and switched windows managers to compiz. The title bars didn’t go poof. I did the control-alt-right arrow and the cube rotated. Apparently my problem was a video card that had become improperly seated. One of the cats likes to wander around behind the computer, so I bet she wiggled it loose. FACEPALM – almost a week to fix what I probably should have thought of at least second.