Not Much of an Update

Well, as the weather warms, I find I have less time than I would like to have. My new case load is generating at least twice the work of the old one, especially in the first half of the month. My wife talked me into shaving my head right before we left for vacation, and I find I really like not only the look, but the ease of taking care of my bald dome. I have to shave my head about every other day to maintain like I like, but I can go three. I love being able to hop out of the shower, run towel over the head and leave. I don't have to stress about whether my hair is doing anything weird because I slept on it wrong. Also, me wife likes the look and likes to touch, so that adds a whole new level of cool to it. I used clippers and a cartridge razor the first time. Then I used the double-bladed razor there after. I picked up a Headblade and Wallyworld and some edge shave gel. I use the double bladed razor to tidy up around the ears now. Cool. More later.

Vacation

Been on my first vacation since my honeymoon 4 years ago. We went to Florida. Basically we hung out in West Palm Beach, Royal Palm, and Wellington. We crashed with my youngest brother-in-law, who seems to know every bar and club in the state. Best of all, CUBAN FOOD!!! Just can't get that stuff in Tennessee. We ate too much, drank too much, stayed up too late, went to a party, shopped to much, went to a wedding, and partied for a week. Too Cool!!!!

Vacation

Well, maybe, if nothing interferes, I will get to take a vacation next week. My first since my honeymoon. That's almost 4 years ago. I have nothing coming up in court for this month, that someone else can't handle. I have cleared my calendar. My wife's best friend through her highschool is getting married in Florida, her brother has offered to put us up, her mother has offered to watch the animals. West Palm here we, fingers crossed hard, come!

Went with my sister's husband to see Grindhouse Saturday night. It was cool. Both directors outdid themselves in going over the top. Planet Terror was more humorous than I expected, the zombies were rather disgusting, and Rose McGowan looked GOOD. The fake trailers were cool, although Eli Roth's was a little too sick for me. Zombie did a good job, he should make that movie and send it straight to video, I know a lot of people who would buy it. The same with Machete. Anywho, Death Proof started a little slow, but picked up speed. It is a homeage to the old 70's car chase movies, and the old stalker movies. It is well done.

I got an email from the biggest, most annoying ripoff. Classmates.com. That has to be the stupidest thing that is currently under my skin. A long time ago, I was stupid enough to go to classmates looking for someone. I didn't know how the site worked and I posted a "free" profile, searched and discovered that unless you pay them money, you really can't do anything. You have free access to the boards, that's about it. You can't view profiles, you can't view pictures, you can't email anyone. You can't even view the people that visit YOUR profile, or sign YOUR guestbook. They send you emails saying how many people visit your profile or alert you that someone has signed your guestbook, but you can't see who. Now the content of their site is profiles. People go there to try to connect with old acquaintances. Now I have a business degree so I see the business plan. People provide the content of the site for free, then advertising is sold based on the amount of content and the number of hits. Then people pay for memberships. That way there is 2 sources of income, but no expenses on content as that is provided for free, only equipment and maintainance costs. That is cool, and I could even live with not being able to email or message another person without a membership, but to not even view the guestbook on my own profile for free? Are they afraid people would post email addresses on the guest book? Then limit the guest book to names and dates visited only. Rip off!!!!

Police Procedurals

Well, CBS is current kind of the police procedure shows on TV with there CSI franchise. NBC has fallen somewhat by the wayside with there older Law and Order group. At the moment Fox has Bones. Well, I hate to admit it, but I like cop shows for the most part. Of the current batch, the original CSI, Bones, and NCIS are my first string. I occasionally catch CSI New York. All three Law and Orders used to be semi-regular viewing, but have been dropped to nothing else at all to do status. CSI Miami was regular viewing until the sexy beast that was Emily Proctor could no longer over come the horror that is David Caruso.

Taking a look at the CSI franchise I see simularities of course, but some big differences. In similarities, each of the three centers around a team of young forensic investigators headed by a wise father-figure type. In the original it is William Peterson's Gil Grissom. He is still the perfect example. In Miami it is David Caruso's Horatio Cain, and with New York it is Gary Sinise's character who's name escapes me.

On the differences, William Peterson's character is important to the show, but not the show. It could function somewhat without him as recently proven. This character has apparently always been a CSI and worked his way up. The original show relies much less on stunt plotting, rarely reverting to something coming out of someone's past or private life bleeding over onto the job, and when it does happen, it seems less like an intrusion and more natural. Gil Grissom doesn't seem to dominate the spotlight and the show seems to allow the other CSI's to shine and to grow.

CSI New York also seems to work on this theory. The show doesn't really center around the main character, but allows the other CSI's room. It does seem to bring in more personal skeletons and crap, but not too intrusively. I don't watch it as regular, but the CSI's seem more bland than the one's in Vegas, but it could be my lack of viewing. I do think it is the better of the two spin offs. I think the main CSI has a military background and came out of law enforcement into the CSI realm.

CSI Miami seems to center around Horatio Caine, superdude. He's been everything, bomb squad, swat team, sniper, spiderman. Everything seems to revolve around him and you get the idea that is he left for more than a couple of days, Miami would sink into the ocean. Even when the show is supposed to deal with another CSI it always seems to come back to Caine. And so much is something coming out of the past, or back to haunt. Can't they just solve random crimes that don't involve terrorists, or someones deep dark secrets?

NCIS seems different, yes Jethro Gibbs is the central father-figure and a fount of wisdom, but 1) he's grumpy, 2)the show isn't meant to be as dark or serious as the CSI series, it's just a mindless romp, 3)he's a former marine sniper. The show is very tounge in cheek and filled with likable, somewhat stock characters with good chemisty. Abby, Ziva, and Agent Lee are hot enough for eye candy. You have the guy who almost married Jessica Alba for the ladies and then of course Gibbs, Ducky, Jennie for people who want more maturity. We also have the Probbie for the geekly inclined. I like the light atmosphere and it has more action than New York or Vegas, but is now where near as campy as Miami has unintentionally become.

Bones is also more humorous than CSI. It is intentional, although Bones can be dark too. I like the chemistry and while Booth and Bones are the core of the show, they don't hog the spotlight. The supporting cast work great and all get time to shine. The show is well written and ususally pleases. Bones and House are about my only Fox mainstays.

The History of the Modern Cow

Let me explain a little about my wife's oldest sister in support of another blog post. I will give the following names to various character's in an attempt to protect myself.

Wife -- Wife of Wify
Her oldest sister -- The Cow
Her next youngest sister-- Former cheerleader
Her youngest sister -- the brat
The Cow's children-- Demon spawn 1
Demon spawn 2
The apolcalyptic doom of all mankind, super ultra strength demon spawn
The Men in her life:
Husband 1 -- The Moose (big and stupid)
One Night Stand -- Poor Snook
Boyfriend 1 -- The Jailbird
Husband 2 -- Crackhead (young, small, and stupid, but highly annoying)
Boyfriend 2 -- The truck driver
Boyfriend 3 -- MethHead (extra stupid, but probably bi-polar and psychopathic)
FatBastard

The countless thousands of others.

Okay, basically The Cow got herself knocked up by the Moose, which resulted in Demon Spawn 1. Then later she hooked up with Poor Snook, got pregnant, screamed rape and ended up with Demon Spawn 2. Then she divorced the Moose, and moved to Tennessee, supposedly to get rid of him, but then he followed her up here. Down here she goes crazy for awhile, then goes back to Florida and returns with Crackhead. They live together, break up, he goes away, comes back , they rinse and repeat, then they get hitched, create Dadoamsusds, break up, divorce, rinse, repeat. Basically, whenever she gets bored, she goes back to Florida and gets the little idiot. When she gets tired of him, she moves another guy in, which is where the truck driver and the jail bird come in. They are guys to run off other guys. At some point she went to Florida and brought back FatBastard. He's had a thing for her since he met her, years ago and will do anything she asks. She gives him just enough to keep him on a leash and if noone else is available, will bring him in to run off a persistant mantoy. After getting rid of Crackhead, she moved Methman in, but he's nuts and kindly gets violent, so sometimes he actually scares her.

She basically keeps each of these guys on a leash someway or other. She never really lets any of them go. And for some reason, they won't leave on their own. I don't get it. If I were treated the way she treats these nut cases, I would get pissed and head for the hills. I realize that she has kids by 2 of them, but still. You know after acusing the one guy of raping her, only to have the case dropped, years later she tried to sue him for child support. She is a real work of art guys. Quite a catch.

We Return Now to As the Trailer Park Turns

Well, last weekend certainly was exiting. It all started Friday around 8:30 AM. I was at work and didn't find out until my wife called me around 9:00. She was heading to a friend's house to help her haul off some junk. Since I am convinced that this double wide trailer was willed into existance by this huge pile of junk to shelter it from the elements, I think this was a loosing battle, but my wife loves a challenge. Anyway aparently The Cow, her older sister and arch nemesis, (who for some reason has been being nice to us lately), knocked on the door and asked if she could crash there. She had spent the last three days working in another state and had left her children in the care of her bi-polar, meth using, live in boyfriend/psychopath. She told my wife she couldn't go home, because he wouldn't leave her alone and let her rest, and she had to work that night. Well, my wife left her there, and when I got home at 5:15 PM she was still there, getting ready to go.

That seemed the end of it until 11:00 PM Saturday night when she knocked on the door again. She was near hysterical and crying and said she couldn't take it, he wouldn't leave her alone, they were fighting. He was driving around in her Ford Ranger, drunk while she was gone, was drunk now and trying to take the truck. Wife helped her hide the truck, then offered to put her up for the night, but she insisted on calling the cops to do a welfare check on the children. Now the kids were with pyschomethhead the alcoholic bipolar mental patient, who isn't baby-daddy to any of them. So he tells the deputy that he isn't responsible for them. Deputy comes over and starts questioning sister-in-law idiot. She tells him as little as possible. Deputy leaves to make a cell call or 12. Then he returns and tells her that psycho meth brain doesn't want to be responsible for the kid and she needs to do something, because he won't leave them there.

Now, she moved methman in, so it is his residence. He can't be forcibly removed, he has to be evicted, which takes time. He isn't father to any of the demon children, so he can't be held responsible for them. She's hummed and hemmed and hawed around until the deputy thinks she is on drugs. She finally lets slip that idiot boy has been carrying a ball bat around and now the deputy thinks she is in danger. He is in a bind. He can't leave the kids in the house with bipolar the boy binge drinker, because he doesn't want to be responsible for them, and the cop is not legally liable for them. He can't let her go home, because he has heard enough to think the situation might be dangerous, and is legally liable. So the only choice is for her to go get the kids and take them somewhere.

Now my sister-in-law, The Cow, has been through this more times than I can count, and knows how it goes. She isn't willing to take out charges on Bipolar Boy, but she doesn't want to get the kids either. I think she let the situation get too far out of control, because she now has no options, so she agrees to go get the kids and heads out the door. It is cold out, and she is wearing pajamas. I think she is going to get in either the cop car or my wife's car. The deputy stops to talk with me a little, then goes out and The Cow is nowhere to be seen. We look, he radios in, then follows my wife to where the truck was left. I get my flashlight and check the barn, backyard, and chicken coop, then go in, arm myself, and head out in the car. I go up the road to the church, but don't see her. I notice a car on the road behind me as I go back to the house, but pay little attention, pulling in the driveway behind my wife.

She reports no sign of her, but that the deputy had called for help and was watching the truck. She asks me to go down the road toward Tanya's house. I take the wife's car, which is warmer, and head toward Tanya's. At this point she has been missing about 15 minutes at most. I figure she would have made it maybe to the stop sign if she was really booking. No sign of her. I find her at the other church, almost half-way to her house. She is talking to FatBastard, the former friend of the family who is no longer allowed anywhere near my home or wife, and may not be allowed near her youngest sister, or any other member of the family my father-in-law has any control over. She is outside the car talking through the window, and he takes off when he spots me. She gets in the car and I head back to where the deputy is waiting. She tells me she was going home to get her kids, like the deputy wanted. She is acting really weird and the next thing I know I have 2 sheriff's cars behind me. I pull over and get questionned. I explain what is going on and where I was headed. I now find the DCS has been called because of her disappearing act.

After much talking, and me sweating a little because there is a .45 auto under the jacket, it's legal, but still.... I end up driving her to her house, where she tries to load the girls into her Dodge pickup, which MethMan flattened a tire on and the police won't let her take, because the trip to the store would be too dangerous, she loads them into her car. Then she asks one of the Deputies to get her cell phone and the ball bat. Well the cell phone was easy, but Psycho denied knowing anything about a bat. At this point, the demon children spoke up about where it was. The supervisor searched for it but did not find it. She leaves and I make a statement and get to go home.

Apparently he moved out semi-voluntarily Monday. She is trolling the internet looking for another man as you read this so beware. If you aren't a bi-polar, alcohol drinking, meth-taking, psycho nut case now, you will be after a few months of her. Not that it's over with Idiot Boy, this is go around 3 or 4 with them, I've lost count. For a little more info on The Cow check out http://weakmindsthinkalike.blogspot.com/2007/03/history-of-modern-cow.html. I've compressed many years into a few paragraphs, but you will get the idea.

Let's Play Catchup

I was heading to a small town to take pictures of a sex-offender's van last week and pondering deep and philosophical thoughts when my mind turned, as it so often does at moments like these, to Southpark. I came across what seems an inconsistancy in the underlying messages of the show and it bothered me. You see, I feel South Park is a pretty good gauge for the way the population of the U.S. is leaning on any particular issue. I am not saying the makers of the show agree, often they don't, but by watching the show you get a good feel for not only what the issues are, but how the general population feels on the issues and how the show's creators feel. Well, I remember the Underwear Gnomes issue in which the owner of a small coffee shop manipulates the boys into swaying town opinion against a giant corporations attempt to put a competing shop in town. The boys learn the important lesson that corporations become large because they get very good, (or at least efficient) at something. Then a few seasons later we get an episode in which the boys fight the scorge of a large box store coming to town and taking over. This seems inconsitstent. I mean on one hand they are saying large coffee franchises are good and on the other they are saying big box stores are bad. It could be a simple as they like Starbucks but hate Walmart. Why are we mixing signals. Then I finally after about 2 hours decided that I was misinterpreting the anti-Walmart message. It isn't necessarily that they think Wally-world is bad, it's that they are saying if you don't like them, and there are many reasons not to, then stop supporting them. If you hate Walmart, then don't shop there. If enough people do that, then eventually they will go away.

On the home front, one of my collegues told me one of his clients was in jail and couldn't make bail, so the guys girlfriend takes a job stripping to raise his bail money. She had to quit though, after getting raped one afternoon in the parking lot.

Stupid news about famous people:

Okay, two recent examples seems to prove that the white trash gene breeds true.

Lindsay Lohan checks herself into an in-patient addiction treatment program. They agree to let her go to work each day, although it decreases her chances of successfully completing the program. She then treats the program like a vacation resort, going and coming as she pleases. Then when she is released from the program, she celebrates by going to a nightclub.

Britney Spears proves she is a fit mother by having a crying jag, going into a hair salon, asking them to shave her head, then shaving it herself when they refuse, crying some more, then driving to a tatoo parlor and getting some ink done. Yes, I want her raising my children. She did all this after checking herself into a treatment program and then leaving before it started. Not like she has shown much common sense in the past, but this chick is really loosing it and fast.

Guess it just goes to show you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but ya can't take the trailer park out of the girl.

February Fools

Sorry, it's been a while. Of course, noone is reading this so who cares, it's more a form of therapy. Anyway, 2 things.

Thing number one, I have been moved to a specialized and highly active caseload based in a larger county. The shift kept me working my ass off the last couple of weeks, but it is mostly done. I still pick up a few things from the old caseload.

Thing number two. I went to court in my old home county yesterday and they brought out a violation on another caseload. The judge was quizzing her about her failures to report for the last 2 months and she claimed it was because she had been incarcerated. He wanted to know why, as in did she have new charges that would also violate her probation. She claimed that she had been in carcerated in one county in December and a second county in January. Neither county was the one she was presently in court on. One incarceration, the one in January, she claimed was for a failure to appear in court. The second incarceration was on a misdemeanor probation violation out of a general sessions court case for failure to report to her officer. The judge was very curious as to the length of both of these incarcerations. Apparently they were both 10 days long. She could not report to her state probation officer because she had been locked up for 10 days. She couldn't explain why she could not report on the days she wasn't locked up. The judge then asked her what she did for a living and she told him she was employed by H and R Block. The judge took a long serious look at the young woman who was on probation with the state for a felony, on probation in one county for a misdemeanor, unable to meet the terms of either probation, and unable to appear in court when she is supposed to and stated "I can't tell you how much confidence it gives me to know that YOU are giving people advice about their income tax." She then asked him to set her a bond.

Update

Well, my wife found the Bersa, fell in love with it and took it away, so now I have to find a new summer carry gun. A local dealer has a Polish Makarov for around $170, and another is carrying a few of the FEG Makarov knockoffs, which actually have a good reputation. What I need to do if I go that route is to save up and when the gunshow goes through in March, pick up one there. Last time noone had a Makarov, but several of the FEG-63's.

Trying Times

Well, after taking my class, I gathered my money and took a stroll over to the THP driver testing station to apply for my permit. It was a 3 hour wait. And to make matters worse, when I finally got up there, they didn't couldn't enter the application as either a new app. or as a renewal. Apparently letting the old one lapse in 2001, resulted in frying the state systems brain. It took an additional 30 minutes to straighten that one out. Now I have to be finger printed. Luckily the company the TBI uses has an office in Cookeville. Unluckily they only do it on certain days and at certain times. And I have to make an appointment 24 hours in advance. They do it tomorrow, but I have court. It shouldn't take all day, only 4 pages on the docket, but they may surprise me.

Well I done it.

Well, I finally started something I have wanted to do for a while now. I went and took the class I needed to get my carry permit renewed. I don't exactly know why I want the permit, I can't carry at work, so that means night and weekend carry only, but I want the legal right to again go armed.

The first time I did this was in 1994 or 1995. I had just bought a Ruger KP90D .45 auto and fired maybe 100 rounds through it. I decided to take it to the test. The live fire part of the test consists of two 50 round courses, in which you have to score good hits with at least 36 of 5o rounds. I did a 47 and a 48. 15 of the 50 are done weak handed.

So this time I have 3 choices on what to take to the class. I have a Hi-power, I have fired about 50 rounds through, a Bersa Thunder 380 that has had maybe 25 rounds through it, and a Raven 25 I fired 5o rounds through and haven't done anything other than clean in many moons. I picked the Hi-Power, but took the Bersa for emergencies. The Hi-power did fine. I scored a 45 and 46. Toward the end I did have one failure to eject on a spent cartridge, so it was getting a little dirty, I need to clean it good before storing.

Now I have to take a copy of my birth certificate, an application, a copy of the certificate of completion of class and $115 over to the THP driver's testing station and they will take forever to finish the application and send me somewhere to be finger printed. Then in 30 to 90 days, I will get a card in the mail saying I can carry a handgun, except where I can't.

Academy Awards for Tennessee

Well, it's been a while and I have news. First, for the job. I am being moved to another county. They are moving me to the larger county where the office is located. This is a much larger county and has a lot more court. Fortunately for my sanity, they are giving me a transfer caseload consisting mainly of cases transferred from out-of-state, which means Tennessee courts have no jurisdiction. These cases are annoying in many ways, but now I will have a chance to get good at the endless paperwork involved in them. I will also get intra-state transfers, which means while I won't be in local court a lot, I may end up running to other county courts for individual cases, which is a pain in its own right. For instance, I was just in Court Tuesday on a single case. I was there from 8:30 AM until 3:45 PM for a single case. Sigh. More about that next.

Okay, in my present county, I have to stay in court as long as it is in session, but in other courts, I can leave once my case is heard. The county our office is in is large, court is often, and the dockets are large. My person's last name began with Y, which is bad when dockets are done alphabetically. Also the ADA didn't want to do a deal, the person really didn't deserve a deal, but is really good at appearing sympathetic, so I was there all day.

Several interesting things happened though. First, there was the guy that had been in court so often in the past, that they couldn't appoint him an attorney. Everyone in court, and there were about 15 defense attorneys including the public defender's office, had a conflict or a connection to the underlying case. Then there was the chick that took the stand in her own defense on a probation violation and cried for the court about being seperated from her 4 year old child because of the 21 days she had already done in jail. It was not an award winning performance, you could see she was forcing the tears and the probation officers in the jury box were so busy grinning and sniggering that we distracted the judge, who is a former ada and was more amused by us than the witness. She went to jail. She didn't have a good explanation about why she wasn't worried about her 4-year-old while she was doing the marijuana and cocaine that got her violated on her probation.

My client was very worthy of an award, however. She is a victim of throat cancer, and this allows her much sympathy. It also gives her access to drugs. She is under suspicion of manufacturing scripts to buy meds and selling these but that hasn't been proven. She did however pick up new charges and plead guilty to them, disappear for almost a year to avoid the investigation of the drug stuff, then get picked up on both my warrant and the warrant of the probation officer on her new charges. Now the local jail doesn't want this woman. She is taking all kinds of cancer meds, and keeps them scared by talking about all her upcoming surgeries, which could be true or could be b.s. One of the charges she is on probation for is perjury.

She shows up in court and things don't seem to be going her way, so at lunch, she goes home and brings her baby back to court. She also brings a lady that sits across the room from her and is pretending not to know her, but she later gives the baby to this lady. Anyway, it works and the big, tough ADA ends up making her case for her, so she gets moved to house arrest and electronic monitoring and extended for a year rather than going to special need prison. Oh well, out of what's left of my hair anyway.

After Christmas

As an undate, the gift from my inlaws were towels. We each got a bar of scented soap, a large towel, a hand towel, and a washrag. On the plus size they are very soft over-sized towels from J. C. Penney. Mine are green and the wife's are purple. My middle sister-in-law got us each an ornament for the tree we almost never put up. I didn't get sick until after Christmas this year. That's a mixed blessing. I hope I can shake the head cold enough to party at least a little this New Year's Eve.

Liquor.

I am not a big drinker. I don't really like beer. Wine coolers are okay. Smirnoff Ice and Bicardi Breezers are very acceptable. Wine doesn't really do it for me either. Liquor on the other hand. I like some mixed drinks. Rum, Ameretto, and Vodka are my mainstays. I am not that sofisticated of a drunk. Make it sweet and I will probably like it. My old favorites were Pina Colodas, Dakaris, and Sex on the Beach. Later I graduated to Wiskey Sours and Tom Collins. Then my wife intoduced me to Ameretto Sours, which I loved, and Long Island Iced Teas. I also have been fond of Peppermint Snapps. She introduced me to Goldshlager and Afterburner, both of which are cinnamon snapps. She prefers Goldshlager, which I think is a little hotter and stronger, but I preferred the sweeter flavor less hot Afterburner. I recently discovered Mohitos, a minty rum drink and my brother-in-law introduced me to Apple Martini's. These are currently my favorite drinks. I also occasionaly use rum or amaretto instead of vodka in the apple marini's. The rum gives it a little less bite than the vodka. The amaretto makes it a very sweet drink with little alcohol bite. Since the proof on all three liquors is identical, I guess this is perception rather than reality. My wife has taken up with tequilla, especially Jose Quervo. I have tried a fee shots and this stuff has a strong smoky flavor when done with salt and lemon.

Merry Christmas

This is a meandering catch-up post and a rant. Working for the state government is cool this time of year because we get lots of time off. Unfortunately we have exactly the same amount of work to do, just fewer days to do it in. If you count the days off plus the three, count 'em, three, days I've spent in court, I lost 7 full days this month. That's a lot of days to try to make up. Add to that, a few of the really stupid people I work with and it is really a hell of a month.

We had Christmas at my parents on Saturday, because my sister, her husband and the kids were up. Yesterday several people came by and gave us gifts. So far this Christmas bites. Half of her family don't give us squat. I know her oldest brother sent nothing, even though we got him a really nice gift. It's not that he can't afford it, he makes a hell of a lot more than we do and his job includes an apartment and free meals if he wants to eat on the estate. The younger brother is coming up next week and it sounds like he is bringing gifts. The older sister and the youngest didn't bring us anything. My parents gave me a pair of dockers, a sweater, and my wife a Walmart card. They also gave us a $100. My sister gave me 2 shirts and my wife 2 shirts. I picked up a $10 Cracker Barrel gift card and a business card holder at work. We haven't opened the gifts from her parents and the middle sister yet, but it looks like more clothes.

Now, I know I am sounding gift greedy, but the truth of the matter is we don't have a lot of money. I spent a big chunk of my last paycheck and my travel reimbursement check, and part of the $100 from my parents on gifts for these people. For the last 3 years, most of them haven't given us squat, but my wife insists on buying for them anyway. There are six members in my family to buy for. All of them give us something except for the 6 and 2 year old. There are 20 in her family. Of them maybe 5 give us gifts. Anyway, I have about $40 bucks to make it till Friday on so I have to be careful.

Anyhow, we ate Christmas Eve dinner out. Chinese. Nothing like Mongolian pork and Cream Cheese Wontons for Christmas dinner. Wifey is on the outs with her parents, so it is doubtful that we will be doing the Christmas dinner with them today. I am planning on roasting a chicken, doing sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, gravy, carrots and green beans. Maybe that will make her feel better.

New family editions: Okay here is a run down of the current zoo.

Saint Bernards -- Missy and Baker. Roxy passed away in October and I miss my girl.
Chickens -- About 30 mostly Polish, Cochin, and Silkies.
Goats -- Giselle and Angel
Bird -- Sweet Pea the Cockatiel
Snakes -- Leroy and Bertha the Ball Pythons
Cats -- Ninja, Noodlehead, Nana, Nella, and Ladybug, (Cooked Ear the stray Tom counts a half)
Rats -- Veronica, Jane, and Weevil, Plus 9 little buggers with hair and as of yesterday 11 little pink hairless additions. (Apparently we didn't get Weevil out in time and he rebred Jane. There were 16 in the first double litter, but only 9 survived.)
Pekingese -- China, Latest addition She is an older dog we adopted after her owner passed away.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays whatever you celebrate, don't let the season drag you down, enjoy it.

Crap!!! In more ways than one.....

I didn't make it very far on my fast. I think around 32 hours. Around thirty hours I discovered what explosive, uncontrollable bowel movements are all about. Right in the middle of work. Best discription, very liquid and very bright yellow. I managed to sneak off for an early lunch, go home, and change clothes. Not dignified or fun. I should have researched a little more. If I'm going to do this thing, then I need to have at least a long weekend to get past this stage. I have been careful on what I've eaten since then sticking to salads and lots of water. Bowel movements are not yet back to normal, but I felt really, really good most of yesterday. Today, I woke up feeling like crap. I think I am running a low grade fever. Of course, we are having 3 hours of mandatory training this afternoon, so I am stuck and can't go home.

Happy Holidays, I want a sandwich

Okay, I hate this time of year. Christmas always stresses me and this year is just as bad as last year. Money is tight and my wife thinks she has to buy everyone in her huge family a gift. I have a mother, father, sister, brother-in-law, and 2 nieces. That's 6 people. Seven when you add my wife. She has a mother, father, 4 sisters, 2 brothers, 2 brother-in-laws, 3 nephews, 7 nieces, and me. That's 20 people. Now I realize that this isn't the Christmas spirit, but 4 of my six people will give us gifts. Based on the past, we might get gifts from her parents and her brothers. None of the sisters will get us a thing, they never do. Yet she thinks we have to buy them all something. She is only working 1 day a week, so my overstretched salary has to overstretch again. The only thing that got us through last year, was that my dad gave us money and we used it to buy gifts.

By the way, when did being fat constitute being disabled. You know those little motorized carts, some stores keep for disabled people to drive around in? I was in redneck heaven (Super Walmart) the other day and two unbelievable large people tried to run me down on those. It was a morbidly obese man and woman. Each of them was riding one of the carts, as I doubt that a single cart would have held them both. I am overweight, and not a small person anyway, but either of them was twice my size. Now there may have been something other than fat wrong with them, but there was no indication of such. My personal opinion is that if you are so fat you can't walk through the store to get your food, then maybe Someone is trying to tell you something.

Okay, I went nuts and decided to start something I probably can't finish. It's called the Master Cleansing Fast, or lemonade diet. I have felt like shit for quite a while and I am not having much luck losing weight, so I thought I would kickstart off my new weight loss program with a 10 day fast. Actually, I read up on this and it sounded reasonable, although I don't know if I can make it 10 days without food. Everyone claims that you don't get hungry, but I really like my food. Anyway as of now I have been on it for 5 hours and 2 minutes, my stomach is growling and my head feels weird. First time it has been without caffine in years I imagine. The idea is to detoxify the body, lose a little weight and gain a lot of energy. I will keep anyone reading this posted as to my progress or regress.

decisions

Well, I guess I need to write something, since, it's been almost a month, but I don't know what to say. Trying to get a job tutoring kids on the side. I found an add a month ago and emailed a resume. They sent an application and I filled it out and didn't hear anything else until last week when I got an email. I replied to the email and they wanted me to take a tutorial online and take some tests. Well, I did that this weekend, it took about an hour or so. I finished it with no problems and got another email saying I needed to fill out some more paperwork. I downloaded the pdf file and emailed it to work as I have no printer ink at the moment. They also said they needed proof of my college degree, so I brought a copy of my degree with me. There had been some mention of a background check, which is no big deal as my record consists of 2 speedding tickets 5 years apart and 10 years back. Well, when I read the contract agreement, I have to pay for the background check. I have to go through a particular company and it costs about $60 bucks. Now what this company does is sends the info to the TBI who does the actual check.

Now what sucks is that anyone can request a background check with the TBI. It costs $25.00. So this company is basically pocketing $35.00 to take a set of fingerprints. What really sucks is I could poke my head into the sheriff or police department and probably get one of them to print me and run the NCIC and fax the info to the company for FREE. I would owe an investigator a favor, or a bottle of booze, but not a $60.00 bottle of booze. For that matter, my prints are on file because I have a carry permit and worked for the IRS for a short time, and work for the state board of probation and parole. Each of these things resulted in a background check.

So I have to decide whether this part time job, which is subcontract with nothing held out for taxes, will generate enough income to justify the expense. It has the potential, it pays from $17.50 to 25.00 per hour. You get to say yes or no to clients, and the scheduling is flexible as long as you get the required hours in, usually from 12 to 16 hours per client monthly, so 2 clients could get me an extra $400 a month for a few hours work per week. Only I don't know how many clients are around here. There must be at least 1 or they wouldn't have emailed me.

TV

Okay this is a 2 part post. First off a bitch, then second off a plug.

This is part one. I live in a rural area and for the most part, I like it. Big cities are fun to visit occasionally, but I doubt I would like to live in one for long. Well, cable TV is not an option where I live. I would like digital cable, but they stop about a mile before our road and won't go any further at this time. As a result, I have dish network. Now the sucky thing about dish is that unless you get a receiver with tivo installed, you cannot tape one channel while watching another, so if you have 2 shows on at the same time, you are sunk. The way I have gotten around this for about the last 7 years is to pay extra for west coast feeds. In other words I get local networks and I also get networks from the west coast which run 3 hours later. So if I want to see both CSI and Grey's Anatomy I can watch one at 8:00 PM and the other I can watch or tape at 11:00 PM. Sweet huh. Well, it is now illegal. Apparently watching networks other than local networks leads to horrible crimes like sheep molestation and nun beating. Actually apparently it is illegal because cable providers apparently can't offer that service. I don't get it.

First, why can't a cable company offer the service. If I can pick up the signal, than the cable company can. They don't want to pay the cash to broadcast the extra networks, and they don't need to, because with cable I could watch CSI and tape Grey's with my old fashioned VCR. But cable won't provide me with service because they don't feel there would be enough new customers to justify running the cable down my road, even though there are 2 subdivision on the road and every single house, trailer, building has either a dish network or direct TV satelitte attached to it. This sucks. Now I either have to miss shows, pay for a tivo capable satelitte receiver, or install a second receiver in the bedroom and hook a vcr to it and pay for 2 receivers. All because cable is bitching about competition they wouldn't have if they played their cards right.

Next, why aren't you all watching Veronica Mars. Watch it. This Week. Right Now. Mark your calendar. Tomorrow. It is cool. Best show ever.

Just Ducky!!!!!

Okay, the powers-that-be are all excited because they just spent some taxpayer bucks and set up some video conferencing equipment so now we can have parole hearings hopefully without having to transport inmates much or spend money paying travel expenses for the officers. Now the kicker. For the most part, my office doesn't have that many parolees. We are a field office serving 15 counties. To use the equipment, the only rule so far is the officer must travel over 100 miles to get to the hearings. Now most of the prisons are over 100 miles from the office, so that sounds good. However, we didn't get any equipment, so if I set up a hearing, I would have to travel to an office that has the equipment, the nearest of which is about 100 miles away.

One of my fine Americans was picked up recently. He was a probationer who had disappeared 10 years ago. He was recently picked up by federal marshals. His wife and mother wander in wanting to know what is up. They claim they thought this was all taken care of. I point out that he had an 8 year suspended sentence from 1991. He moved without permission in 1994 and had not seen a probation officer since.
"Well, he wasn't really guilty, he was set up."
He pled guilty in court.
"But a friend gave him the money. He bought the cocaine for a friend."

Apparently it isn't a crime if you break the law for a friend.

"Wait Your Honor, you can't convict him of murder, a friend asked him to chop that man's head off."

"Oh, if a friend asked him to do it, it is alright."

"Officer, I wouldn't have raped that woman, but my best friend, Charlie, asked me to."

"You're free to go."

Sometimes life just sucks

Okay the week started good, but then kind of went downhill. First off, my wife sold some of her prize chickens. She got rid of 20, 14 of them just chicks, and was paid reasonably well for them, but the lady who wanted them lives on the other side of the state from us, so we ended up agreeing to meet them roughly half way. If you've never ridden in a compact Toyota car with 14 peeping chicks and 6 caged chickens taking regular craps on the cardboard you've put down just for that reason, on a cold day with the car heater going, you need to try it. Course we were paid and we needed the money, so I count this as good, except for the smell of roasting chicken turds of coarse.

On the way back we stopped at an outlet mall so my wife could spend part of the chicken money. Then we were stopped by traffic. About 30 miles from home a wreck on the interstate stopped traffic for over an hour. This is bad. After about 20 minutes we managed to get to a turn through and went home the back way. Autumn is in full swing and the trees are beautiful here, and this was a very scenic drive, even if longer and out-of-the-way. So I guess this is good.

Then she had to tell her father that we were going to be close so we had to stop and I had to remove some spyware from his computer. Should have hid for the rest of the week I think. Most definitely not good.

I found some sort of virus on my computer despite the 312 different anti-virus, anti-spyware, and firewalls I have installed.

Monday, I had court in a county so small and poor that the courthouse doesn't even have indoor bathrooms. The DA got his wires crossed on my case and instead of getting a new date and leaving at 11:00, I was stuck there until almost 3:00. On the way there, the bank calls and someone has attempted to charge over $100 onto my debit card. Fortunately my overdraft protection is not included on my debit card, so when the money runs out the card doesn't work, so only 1 purchase went through. Apparently from the virus I found. I was able to get a promise of a refund on the purchase of a webcam site membership, but if I ever find Mike with a g-mail account, look out. Anyway I cancelled the debit card and credit cards. New cards with new numbers will be issued but I won't get them until the middle of next week. I get paid by autodraft, so I never have any cash. Now I have no cards, and I am waiting for them to put money back into my bank account. This sucks.