Detour PATH to Fatherhood

I recently, well 6 months or so ago, discovered a co-worker was a new foster parent.  This was something I had considered several times in my life, but always post-phoned until later for some reason or other.  The last time I thought of it was about a month previous to this and I was in the process of divorcing, so I assumed a single man would not be eligible.  My co-worker was a single mom, so this put me to thinking and I did an internet search.  According to the info I found, marital status, sex, income, religion, all played no role.  The only requirements were to pass a criminal background check, undergo training, agree to continued training, have enough of an income to not need the board fee to survive, have an appropriate home and time to care for the children.  There later turned out to be some other stuff, and they didn’t mention an endless ability to do paperwork and unending patience (not with the children, with the whole application process). 

I think pounced on my co-worker and quizzed her.  She more or less confirmed what I found, although she did warn me that DSC would be “all up in my grill about my personal bizness and who I was sleeping with”.  She sometimes tries to talk “street”.  Considering she is a native Tennessean from the  Cumberland Plateau, it sounds odd hearing “street” with native hillbilly “twang”.  I found nothing to worry me about this, I’ve been cleared for state and federal jobs and have a carry permit, background checks are almost second nature to me.  As far as the rest, sex is something I vaguely remember, but haven’t experienced in about 3 years.  So I called a 1-800 number and left contact information.  The next day, I was called back and more information was taken.  Then I was called again the next day and told about PATH Classes.  They sent me information in the mail about the classes.  The next ones started in August.  I signed up and was confirmed.  This was quick, everyone said there was a massive need for foster parents.  Then it slowed down.  There was some confusion, since they had just started a new method of teaching the Parents As Tender Healers (Tennessee likes its cute acronyms) classes.  Formerly, they were 10 weeks long.  In an effort to encourage more foster parents,  they went to a 5 week course, with the remaining half of the hours to be sort of an independent study done within the next year.  This in itself was confusing because the course was 6 weeks and there were 2 nights of classes the last week.  It later came out that the final 2 classes on first aid and medicine administration weren’t considered PATH classes.  Anyway, I spent one day a week from the end of August through September driving 60+ miles one way and attending 5 hour classes, except for the last 2 which were 5 hours long and in the same week.

The classes themselves were not bad, but the system was new and people could join in the classes at any time, rather than start with the first class, they would just have to make up any they had missed.  As a result, there was never the same number of people in class.  The first class there were about 10 of us.  The second over 20, on at least 2 nights we had over 40.  Initially we met in a conference room at a motel.  The air conditioning was broken, after the third meeting at 90 – 100 degree’s Fahrenheit, one of the attendees was pastor of a local church and offered their conference room and meeting hall.  It was air conditioned and free of charge.  It also added about 10 miles and 15 minutes to my drive. 

There was never the correct number of handouts or certificates.  People never seemed to pay attention, often missing something, then having to ask, or getting off topic.  It reminded me a lot of staff meetings and training at work.    The first day of class we were given a 50 pound packet of forms, most of which had to be filled out.  There were all kinds of things, many of which were not clearly explained.  It was suggested we go ahead and start this as otherwise it might become overwhelming.  Fortunately, I am a state employee and as such have become accustomed to redundant paperwork.  We were given assignments each evening (aka homework) These were turned in the following class.  Toward the end, we were each interviewed by our instructor, who had to recommend us or not as potential foster parents.  Incidentally, if you want to adopt in this state, you must undergo this process and must foster the child or children for 6 months before you can adopt.  So we had some adoptive parents in our class.  Also, if you have family placed with you, in other words, are fostering relatives, due to the parents’ death, incarceration, temporary or permanent loss of parental rights, then you have to undergo this process even if you already have the children in your care.  These people tend to gripe about having to go through “this” for “something they already have”. 

After this comes the home study.  This is a process that is either handled differently out of different offices, or changed when they changed the way class was offered.  I was told about a week after completing the classes I would be contacted and I would be interviewed 3 times, once at my home.  My home would be inspected on one of these visits.  My co-worker said she only had one interview, at her home and it was 4 hours long.  So I waited.  Two weeks passed and nothing.  I emailed my instructor, nothing.  Finally after a month, I was insane.  I had spent the time during class getting my home ready based on a checklist in the 50 lb packet.  I had cleaned and scrubbed and painted and rearranged and bought furniture.  All my electrical outlets have plastic covers over them.  Just vacuuming the carpets now requires carrying a pry bar from room to room.  My medication, even vitamins and ibuprofen are locked in a heavy plastic toolbox.  My cleaning supplies are in my bathroom sink protected by a padlock.  I have my fire alarms, smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors installed and graphed onto a floor plan of my house.  That plan is laminated and taped to the fridge.  It shows all exits, includes the location of the fire extinguishers, and all emergency numbers. 

My back bedroom now has two twin beds.  The children can’t just sleep on the utility room floor; each child has to have a separate bed.  There has to be a designated sleeping area, separate from the other areas of the house, the sleeping area has to have a window.  This last part worries me, because it makes me think that someone was keeping kids in a dark closed in room somewhere at sometime.  It wouldn’t be a rule unless someone was doing that.  If you wonder why I have two twin beds, it’s because they were free, I really wanted a bunk bed set.  Also, I am not being kid-greedy.  I originally started this because after I separated I had given up on the idea of a family.  She hadn’t wanted kids, so I gave up at that point, but now I am alone and I would like to try to be a father.  My life is currently my job.  I have time, love, and patience and want to try.  This seems like a good way to explore being a father.  I have people watching over me, so hopefully I can’t screw up too much.  True, I may start with a child with issues, but they need someone.  If things work out and we bond, I may get hurt if I have to give him back, but adoption is not out of the question.  Either way, I can experience part of fatherhood, and do some good.  But the two beds are because I was told these kids rarely come as singles. 

Finally in late October, my co-worker gave me contact name and number.  She lives in a different county than I do, so her case manager is in a different office than I would be dealing with.  I called and was given the contact information for my office.  I had already talked to a couple of people, who would only tell me someone would contact me.  I was worried, because the instructor for our class did not have our final completion certificates either, and was supposed to have mailed them.  No one ever contacted me, I was having to do all the contacting.  That wasn’t helping much.  Finally, after I called the number my co-worker gave, I was contacted and assigned a case worker.  My first appointment was on Halloween.  It lasted an hour.  I was given another packet to fill out and instructions.  I was set with an appointment to have my fingerprints taken for a background check.  She asked lots of questions.  Next appointment was a month away.  I gave her copies of pay stubs, driver’s license, car insurance, health insurance,  carry permit, divorce decree, birth certificate, a health recommendation from my doctor, references, car registration, and proof of pet vaccinations.  We did a walk through of the house. 

The packet was a very noisy packet asking about my childhood, income and expenses, religious practices.  It asked a lot about handling situations ect.  The second interview lasted 3 and ½ hours.  We filled out a ton of paperwork.  Many of the questions involved how I dealt with stress and anger, my childhood, any issues with medication and alcohol, how I relaxed.  We also discussed household rules, how would I punish a child, how would I deal with different types of behavior.  At this point, my background had been checked both by local and state law enforcement, my credit and driving record were checked and everything was okay.  She made a couple of recommendations for the house, I submitted my paperwork on what types of children I felt best working with.  The next appointment was two weeks away.  I fixed what she wanted on the house, did my floor plan and emergency contact number, gathered the remaining paperwork for her and prepared for the last interview.  She took my picture and pictures of each room of the house and the exterior.  We went through the checklist.  By the way, every gun, even the bb guns is locked in a metal cabinet and each has either a trigger lock or a slide lock.  The ammunition is stored in a separate cabinet, also locked. 

Today, 12/22/11 my homestudy is being presented.  I should know if I am approved sometime next week.  I have jumped through hoops for the chance to help some children.  I understand that they have to thoroughly check me out, so I am trying to be patient.  It just isn’t easy at this point.  I had hoped to maybe have a child for the holidays.  That seemed like it would be so much fun. 

I am both frustrated and excited.  My caseworker seems to feel I will be approved, although probably restricted to no more than 2 male children, no infants, only minor behavioral problems.  I asked for 1 to 2 male children between 3 and 10 years of age.  Seems like a good fit to me.

Let you know when I know.

Holidays and Facebook

Facebook really annoys me.  I enjoy some of the things on it, like keeping track of birthdays of friends, relatives, coworkers, friendly coworkers and total strangers.  It has also allowed me to reconnect with old friends, classmates, ect. And gives me a way to easily share in some of their important moments and let them share in mine.  It also makes griping, bitching, moaning and being sarcastic easier than ever.  It does annoy me though, first I hate the resent redesign, I really hate how it now determines what is important enough to make my news feed and slaps everything else onto a tiny ticker in the corner, unless I am lucky, I have to visit each friends homepage to see what happens since it seems to miss a lot of interesting stuff.  I am not even going to venture into the stupid little games.  But two of the biggest gripes I have involve my friends.  Apparently as we gotten older a great many of them have found faith and I am very happy for them and wish them the best.  I do however get annoyed at their method of displaying their faith.  I don’t like religion.  That being said, no I am not an agnostic or an atheist.  I have made my proclamation of faith, confessed my sins and invited my savior into my life.  I do belong to a church and I do believe in God and the word of God.  I consider faith a deeply personal thing.  I won’t be making hourly, daily, weekly or monthly posts proclaiming that unless I copy and post this message I am a bad Christian or I don’t love Jesus or something.  First, if I remember my Sunday School lessons right, that could be considered passing judgment on someone, and I’m fairly sure the Bible says that’s God’s job.  Second, that’s a very negative way to witness, and again, I thought that while the Bible stresses the importance of witnessing, it also states you should avoid any actions that might lead others astray or prevent them from accepting Jesus as savior.  Do the people that post these really think spamming the social network equivalent of a chain letter is going to convert a non-believer?  If you want to post that God is wonderful, more power to you.  If you want to post that God has made a beautiful day, good for you.  That might lift my spirits to read.  If you want to make a post about how your faith helped you through a difficult time, that’s inspirational.  If you post about being at a particular church or enjoying the company and fellowship of friends, those are good.  They let me know you are enjoying your life and faith.  They show witness in a powerful and positive way.  And they let me know that your faith is real, and not a copy and paste note.  Faith is a deep and personal thing that makes you stronger and wiser, religion, to me, is a tool used by people to do horrible things to other people. 

Part two of my rant:

I hate the posts that proclaim saying anything other than “merry Christmas” is somehow leaving Christ out of Christmas.  First “Christmas”  means “Christ’s Mass” or communion, or the Lord’s Supper.  Second, Jesus wasn’t born on or near December 25.  The Bible doesn’t state exactly when Jesus was born, but it does say he was born 6 months after John the Baptist.  Based on evidence in the Bible, John was probably born in early April at Passover, This is based on when Zachariah would have been serving in the temple and encountered the Angel who made the announcement of John’s conception.  If Jesus was born 6 months later, assuming a normal term of pregnancy for Mary, he would have been born in September. The birth of Jesus was not considered an important event to celebrate by the early Church, which was more concerned with the death and resurrection.  When Charlemagne decided to make Christianity the national religion of Rome, there was an issue.  The new Christians tended to continue to celebrate the Pagan holidays, particularly the winter Solstice, December 25.  Since taking a holiday away was likely to result in revolt, they cooped the “bad” holiday with a good one.  Later, in the US of A it was determined that since the Christians stole the holiday from the non-Christians, it would be okay to steal it from them, so they added a fat guy in a red suit with flying livestock and turned it into a contest to see who could spend the most money they didn’t have while pepper-spraying the most competitors.   

An Update on My Weight Loss Progress

If my home scales can be believed, I am now down to 260 lbs.  That's 15 less than in July.  The thing is, I am not really trying. I have snacked occasionally, giving in to the allure of ice cream and peanut m and m's.  I usually treat myself to a pizza or two, usually store bought frozen or cook and eat from a grocery rather than restaurant on weekends or to some other non-healthy food.  Mostly though, I like my new way of eating, it is amazing how much more energy I have and how much better my mood usually is.  I don't feel deprived either and I have taken to exploring new ways to cook foods and even new foods.  I recently found that beets are a rather awesome vegetable.  Last night I made latkes using beets, sweet potatoes and carrots rather than potatoes, they were wonderful  I also found a black bean burger recipe I like.  My current goal is to wean myself from the diet sodas.  They need to become a sometimes food.  I am finding that I can eat all I want, even snack, and still approach a more healthy weight.  Eating less calories than you burn is the only way to lose weight, but I think that all calories are not equal and by paying attention to where your calories are coming from you get better quality calories that are not only nutritious but which also help control your desire to snack.  I am not in any danger of becoming a vegan or even a vegetarian, but I am finding those are good places to go to discover both new recipes and how to cook stuff that isn't meat.

I grew up in the Southern US and traditionally vegetables were cooked one of 3 ways:

1)  Boiled until they were a soggy, unrecognizable lump at which point they were smothered in salt and covered in some type of sauce or fat or both (butter, margarine, grease, gravy, cheese, ect.)
2) Fried in fat until unrecognizable then heavily salted and covered in something. (usually reserved for potatoes)
3) Covered in flour, cornmeal or breading and fried until unrecognizable then salted. (okra and squash come to mind)

Also, no meal was a meal without meat (you could substitute beans, but they were usually flavored with scraps of inedible meat), or bread of some type.  I was out of college before I discovered you didn't have to have meat in a sandwich.  Unfortunately it was only a few years ago I tried a meatless sandwich.  My first was a felafel,  my next was hummus.  My first meatless burrito involved a portabello mushroom cap marinated in Caribbean jerk sauce and grilled. 

Linux Land

Well, I am approaching the one year mark on switching to Linux and I have learned many things.  I started out running Sabayon on both my laptop and desktop.  Sabayon is a Gentoo distribution that is a rolling distribution.  For those of you who might stumble on this lacking a background in Linux buzzwords, here a a few very simple explanations.  Linux is an operating system for personal computers based on the Unix operating system used on larger computers.  It is considered powerful and stable but not generally user friendly.  It is open sourced, mostly, meaning anyone can get the code and modify it for free, mostly.  There are basically two major bloodlines, or flavors, of Linux, Gentoo and Debian.  I believe Debian is the larger.  The difference between the two is beyond my level of geekness, however I think it has to do with when operations are compiled, or perhaps when the os is compiled.  Brands, or styles, or schools of Linux are referred to as distributions.  Some of the more popular distributions of Linux are Ubuntu, Mint, Fedora, Open Suse, Mandriva.  These are, I believe, all open source, they are most definitely available for use for free.  I also believe they are all Debian based.  Gentoo based operating systems seem less popular.  The rolling distribution means that rather than publishing updates set times a year, the system was updated constantly.  There was an update manager that checked regularly for updates and notified you so you could download and install them.  Fedora did the same though and it wasn't billed as a rolling distribution.

There are some things on Linux that is the same regardless of distribution, however other things may work differently in different distributions.  There are two main desktops, which are not directly linked to the operating system ala Windows, gnome and kde.  Kde is set up sort of like Windows, main toolbar on bottom, menus on left, while gnome is more like Apple OS with the menu bar on top and menus on the left.  The window appearance can be customized out the ying yang, but Sabayon and Fedora defaulted to the windows look with the min, max and close buttons on the right top and the toolbar to the top.  Ubuntu defaults to the Apple look with them buttons on the upper left of the window and the toolbar appears at the top of the desktop when the window is active.  The latest version of Ubuntu however uses a desktop called Unity.  The toolbar is a disappearing bar on the left of the screen, the toolbar is on the top with the available controls on the right.  It is hard to get used to but very pretty.  I have not played with the new version of gnome much, but I think it might be a bit more like Unity.

I was told Sabayon was not a good distribution to start with.  I didn't really get that because I thought things were going well with it.  Sabayon is definitely a pretty distribution.  I think maybe because I was used to fighting with things to make them work, I didn't realize how much extra effort I was putting into it.  There were a lot of things that weren't working right when Sabayon and I parted ways.  I installed quite a few updates on both my laptop and pc.  I was running Sabayon with gnome2.  Sabayon upgraded to 6.0 and installed the gnome3 update.  My pc never recovered.  I couldn't boot into the desktop and the recover mode would not boot.  I could get into terminal though and was able to uninstall and reinstall the desktop, however the system did not run very well.  It was extremely slow.  I finally gave up and reinstalled, which crapped out.  I was able to get my laptop to boot, however it did not like gnome 3 and went to the default desktop which was an ugly version of gnome 2 with no 3 d effects.  I used this to download and install Sabayon 6 kde.  I ran this successfully for a while.  I did download some other distros and tried booting to live cd's.  Sabayon was the only cd that did not loose my monitor, so I went back with it.  I did download Sabayon 6 gnome also, but was afraid to boot it.  I tested some distros on my lappy and went with Fedora on it, once the pc was running again.  Everything was fine until I had a school assignment that required me to create a podcast.  The pc would not recognize my usb mic.  It saw it but no changes I made in my sound setting would stay.  After pondering abit, I tried an experiment.  I unhooked the hdmi cable from my monitor and re-hooked it as super vga.  It now let me boot live cd's with ease.  I wasn't real happy with Fedora, and I missed my gnome 2 desktop.  I really had only 2 problems with Fedora.  It seemed very stable, although I didn't stress test it.  The first issue I had with Fedora was probably my fault.  I had installed a non-repository program and I had accidentally installed it as root.  I then had to uninstall and reinstall it as a standard user.  After that, whenever I used it, I would get a steady stream of security alerts. It was a minor annoyance, but not major.  The other issue I had was that the repository seemed much smaller than Sabayon's and many of the programs I had grown used to weren't available.  I originally chose Fedora because I had a blue scheme, similar but brighter than Sabayon and had good reports on the internet.  It did install quick, booted quick and seemed very stable.  I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it, although I didn't like the default office suite, there was a second one in the repository.  

I wanted gnome back on my desktop, but after several live cd's I went with Ubuntu 11.04, but because it was so damn different.  It's bright and colorful and warm where Sabayon was wonderfully blue, black and cold.   Unity is taking some getting adjustment, but overall I like it.  Once I installed the proprietary video driver, I was able to switch back to hdmi.  Otherwise everything is awesome and so far everything works with no fight.  I set up my surround sound and have great sound and the mic works.  I think once I get used to the desktop, I will be good.  I rather like it, it's quick and seems stable.  I was actually able to set it up and install everything on both computers in a single Sunday afternoon and still did my assignment on time.  I feel a bit guilty about abandoning Sabayon, but oh well. 

If you are used to Windows, but want to switch but don't want to much strangeness, try Mint.  It is the version of Linux set up to mimic Windows as much as possible.  If you are computer literate any distribution that uses a kde desktop will be easy for you to pick up.  Many times you can download either the kde or gnome version.  If you prefer Apple os and want your pc to work similar any gnome distro will work, although Ubuntu 10.8 will have the windows already set right for you.  If you just want to try something different, Ubuntu 11.04 with unity might interest you.

Weight Loss

I've made many posts about dieting, exercise, ect. I have tried many things. I have also noted on more than one occasion that dieting is not the answer, because dieting is a temporary thing and even if it works, when you stop and go back to your normal behavior, the weight comes right back, usually with friends. Well, I passed the 300lb mark. I went well past it into the 330lb range, around the end of last year. I just more of less let myself go completely for over 2 years. Mostly I was inactive, spending almost all of my time in front of a computer screen, usually while eating frozen pizzas, sandwiches or microwave food. As a result of the economy, our insurance at work has gotten crappier and crappier. This last go round, the cheapest insurance offered for my area was a BC/BS ppo. They offered 2 versions, normal and a cheaper version that required you to fulfill certain goals toward improving your health in return for lower premiums and co-pays. That's the one I went for.

I was on 2 blood pressure medications, a beta blocker and a diuretic as well as an anti-depressant and acid reflux medication. I use a cpap machine for sleep apnea. My doctor has been harping on me for some time about weight loss. Considering that I originally went in for chest pains, who can blame them.

Well as of February when I went in for the initial physical for my insurance plan, I weighed 311 pounds. I was reading an entertainment blog of all things where one of the staff writers was reviewing a documentary about whole food dieting. He relayed a personal story about having major health issues, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, obesity, ect. He was on about 20 different medications. He switched to a whole food diet and dropped about 30 pounds in 2 months. Within 6 months he was off all but 3 of the medications.

I had heard of a whole food diet, but thought it was the same as a raw food diet. It isn't. A raw food diet consists of eating only uncooked foods. A whole food diet consists of eating unprocessed foods, you can cook them however you want.

You want to avoid processed foods as much as possible. I am not fanatical about it, but most of what the diet advocates makes sense. I now buy mostly fresh vegetables and fruits. If I can't find fresh I will look for frozen. I try to avoid canned anything as much as possible. I buy whole grain cereals and breads. The above mentioned writer also cut out all his dairy and most of meats. I try to limit red meat to 2 servings a week, although I sometimes fall short of that goal. I try to eat fish 2 or more meals a week, and at least one day a week I try to eat no meat at all. I try to eat mostly chicken or turkey. I don't eat a lot of rice, but when I do it is long grain wild rice rather than the white rice. My breads are whole grain if possible. I try to not eat out more than once a week. I am smart enough to know if I start to crave something and refuse myself, eventually I give in, so if I crave a cheeseburger I try to make one at home, where I know what goes into it. If not I try to make that my meal out for the week and I don't have the fries. I do eat sweet potatoes, but not white potatoes. I love my cheese, but I have cut way down on it. I never drank a lot of milk, so that was no issue, although oddly enough I am eating high fiber, whole grain cereal. I was just topping it with yogurt and blue berries, but now I eat the yogurt and berries on the side, and use almond milk on the cereal.

I started exercise with just a daily walk, then added a light strength training regiment. I now do Zumba 5 times a week and strength train 4. I walk if I don't zumba. I am also deep cleaning the house and rearranging furniture, when that ends the Zumba with be 7 days a week. So far I am down to 275 and only take a calcium blocker for blood pressure and the acid reflux as needed instead of regularly. I almost never need it. I feel so much better. I have also learned a lot. Butter leaf and romaine lettuce are much more versatile than iceberg, kale is not my favorite raw vegetable but mixed into a salad or stir fry is palatable. Mangos are awesome if you learn how to tell when they aren't overripe. Jicama is a neat fruit that is crunchy and crisp like a water chestnut but a bit sweeter. They are a great snack or sliced into a salad. You can also slice them and use them like chips to eat salsa. Chilis are a great source of vitamins. Broad leaf spinach is good in stir fries and salads. As a general rule you want to eat lots of colorful foods, although carrots and corn tend to have a lot of sugar, so you might want to avoid using both in the same dish.

Weight Loss

I've made many posts about dieting, exercise, ect. I have tried many things. I have also noted on more than one occasion that dieting is not the answer, because dieting is a temporary thing and even if it works, when you stop and go back to your normal behavior, the weight comes right back, usually with friends. Well, I pass the 300lb mark. I went well past it into the 330lb range, around the end of last year. I just more of less let myself go completely for over 2 years. Mostly I was inactive, spending almost all of my time in front of a computer screen, usually while eating frozen pizzas, sandwiches or microwave food. As a result of the economy, our insurance at work has gotten crappier and crappier. This last go round, the cheapest insurance offered for my area was a BC/BS ppo. They offered 2 versions, normal and a cheaper version that required you to fulfill certain goals toward improving your health in return for lower premiums and co-pays. That's the one I went for.

I was on 2 blood pressure medications, a beta blocker and a diuretic as well as an anti-depressant and acid reflux medication. I use a cpap machine for sleep apnea. My doctor has been harping on me for some time about weight loss. Considering that I originally went in for chest pains, who can blame them.

Well as of February when I went in for the initial physical for my insurance plan, I weighed 311 pounds. I was reading an entertainment blog or all things where one of the staff writers was reviewing a documentary about whole food dieting. He relayed a personal story about having major health issues, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, obesity, ect. He was on about 20 different medications. He switched to a whole food diet and dropped about 30 pounds in 2 months. Within 6 months he was off all but 3 of the medications.

I had heard of a whole food diet, but thought it was the same as a raw food diet. It isn't. A raw food diet consists of eating only uncooked foods. A whole food diet consists of eating unprocessed foods, you can cook them however you want.

You want to avoid processed foods as much as possible. I am not fanatical about it, but most of what the diet advocates makes sense. I now buy mostly fresh vegetables and fruits. If I can't find fresh I will look for frozen. I try to avoid canned anything as much as possible. I buy whole grain cereals and breads. The above mentioned writer also cut out all his dairy and most of meats. I try to limit red meat to 2 servings a week, although I sometimes fall short of that goal. I try to eat fish 2 or more meals a week, and at least one day a week I try to eat no meat at all. I try to eat mostly chicken or turkey. I don't eat a lot of rice, but when I do it is long grain wild rice rather than the white rice. My breads are whole grain if possible. I try to not eat out more than once a week. I am smart enough to know if I start to crave something and refuse myself, eventually I give in, so if I crave a cheeseburger I try to make one at home, where I know what goes into it. If not I try to make that my meal out for the week and I don't have the fries. I do eat sweet potatoes, but not white potatoes. I love my cheese, but I have cut way down on it. I never drank a lot of milk, so that was no issue, although oddly enough I am eating high fiber, whole grain cereal. I was just topping it with yogurt and blue berries, but now I eat the yogurt and berries on the side, and use almond milk on the cereal.

I started exercise with just a daily walk, then added a light strength training regiment. I now do Zumba 5 times a week and strength train 4. I walk if I don't zumba. I am also deep cleaning the house and rearranging furniture, when that ends the Zumba with be 7 days a week. So far I am down to 275 and only take a calcium blocker for blood pressure and the acid reflux as needed instead of regularly. I almost never need it. I feel so much better. I have also learned a lot. Butter leaf and romaine lettuce are much more versatile than iceberg, kale is not my favorite raw vegetable but mixed into a salad or stir fry is palatable. Mangos are awesome if you learn how to tell when they aren't overripe. Jicama is a neat fruit that is crunchy and crisp like a water chestnut but a bit sweeter. They are a great snack or sliced into a salad. You can also slice them and use them like chips to eat salsa. Chilis are a great source of vitamins. Broad leaf spinach is good in stir fries and salads. As a general rule you want to eat lots of colorful foods, although carrots and corn tend to have a lot of sugar, so you might want to avoid using both in the same dish.

I'm In Shock

I am in shock, shock I say. Or rather, I was in shock, the anaphylactic kind. By the way, my spell checker hates the word anaphylactic, it wants to change it to prophylactic. It's an interesting story. Actually it isn't and if you hang around, your asking for it, but here goes. On a Friday, pretty much like any other Friday, I did nothing out of the ordinary. Around 9:30 PM or so, I decided to let my internet connection have a rest and I went to bed with a book. I had a headache so, I took two normal strength aspirin. I became interested in the book and read until about 11:00. Then I turned off the light and tried to drift off to dreamland. About 10 minutes later my chest and stomach were itching like crazy. The first two fingers on my right hand were feeling odd also. They were slightly numb, stiff and just basically uncomfortable. I got out of bed and turned my light on. My hand looked normal. I went to the bathroom and raised my tee shirt. I had red welts running down my torso. My mouth felt odd too, a bit dry and my tongue was not right, it felt a little thick. I had never experienced this before, but I had seen it on a couple of occasions. I went to my kitchen and prowled through my cabinet. I had no Benadryl, but I did find another antihistamine, and I took one. I could barely swallow it, my tongue felt as if it barely fit my mouth, and my right hand was visibly swollen. I dressed quickly and went next door. My parents finally answered and after I explained in slurred speach what was happening, my father drove me to the emergency room. By the time I got into the car, both hands were swollen so bad I could hardly use them, I could barely talk, I had hives running from my right wrist halfway to my elbow, and I itched like crazy from my neck to my groin. I was also beginning to worry, I could barely swallow and was wondering how long I would be able to breath. When we reached the hospital, they took one look at me, made me sign a form ( I am not sure what I wrote, and really have no idea if it can be read, I could not close my fingers around the pen), and sat me down and asked lots of questions about my activities, allergies, ect. I couldn't tell them a lot, until that night, my allergies were limited to poison ivy and tobacco smoke. They then stuck me in bed and jabbed a 37 foot long steel girder in the back of my right hand and wiggled it around until they found a vein. I didn't care, I felt nothing until they hit the vein. They then gentle sucked out a couple of liters of blood and disappeared. They returned with a library cart filled with about 900 syringes. He pulled out a couple.

Fortunately the girder was still embedded in me, so they could pretty much just pump me full of whatever without making new holes. I also had somewhere between 70 and 11,000 various sensors attached to me. The medical looking dude pumps something out of one of the syringes into me via girder express. That's Pepcid, he told me. I mumble about my stomach being fine, but he said not to worry, Pepcid is an antihistamine. Who knew? He then gave me steriods. I didn't grow mucsles, though. He then warned me that he was going to give me Benadryl, but he would have to do it slowly. He then proceeded to pump flaming sulfuric acid into me slowly. I was once given Phenergan in the hip when I had a kidney stone and I could not eat or drink due to instant barf syndrome. Up until this point that was the most unpleasant injection I ever had. It may still be, my opinion varies. The Phenergan was more intense. The flame seared through me, but then it was gone. Maybe because they gave it all at once. The Benadryl wasn't as hot, but it lingered melting its way slowly through my arm. I had to check visually to see whether or not the arm was melting. It took about 7 hours to inject the stuff into me. The wall clock lied. I know I was there. The medical dude then told me that I might get sleepy. I did not believe him, as my body was twitching and vibrating so much I had to be floating about 3 feet over the bed. I felt freaking weird. I was twitchy and nervous and jumpy x 12 million. On the other hand, my tongue felt almost normal and the hive seemed to have gone down, even if my hands would not close. I asked the dude and he said the meds he gave me were doing it. Ten minutes later my dad wandered in. He asked how I was doing, and I tried to explain that I had no fucking idea. I was sleepy, but too wired to stay still. Dad wandered over to the monitoring equipment and said my blood pressure was good.... Great. The doctor wandered in. He had been by a few times monitoring something or other. He asked a lot of questions. A cute lady came in and stole my insurance card, then brought it back and filled out paperwork for me. Then doc came back and quizzed me again. Now for the last year and a half I have been taking 2 blood pressure medications. One was a beta blocker and the other a diuretic. I also took an antidepressant. In the doctor's opinion, I had suddenly became allergic to one or more of these. He thought the beta blocker was the likely culprit. He instructed me to contact my regular doctor. He wrote me a script for steriods, and instructed me to buy pepcid and benadryll and to take two steriods daily for 5 days, 2 pepcid in the am and a benadryll every 4 hours. I was also to sleep standing up, well propped up. I slept, very nervously. My normal doctor is not in on Saturdays, but the clinic she works at is open and one of her partners was in, so I saw him. After the usual poking and prodding, it was determined that I had lost 21 pounds in the last 3 months (yay whole food diet and walking) my blood pressure was still good despite over 36 hours with no blood pressure meds, so he put me on a calcium blocker to replace the other meds. He took my steriod script, wrote me his own, so their pharmacy could fill it, wrote another for a stronger antihistamine than benadryll, but told me to by the Pepcid over the counter. I was instructed to not get hot, not be in a hot place, not to eat hot food, not to take a hot shower, you get the picture, heat is bad. I was to see my normal doctor on Friday. Here are a few facts, taking steriods and antihistamines makes one a bit twitchy. The average temperature for the week was 93 degrees Fahrenheit. I normally indulge in hot coffee only occasionally, but craved it all week. On Thursday I was out of steriods, so felt a bit better. On Friday my bp was good, so we did not add anymore meds. I traded 3 daily meds for one, which I can hopefully quit if I continue to lose weight. Now I took my bp meds around 6AM. I took one antidepressant at that time and a second pill about 8 PM. I had my little episode around 11 PM. The ER doc thought the beta blocker was the culprit, the clinic doc thought the diuretic was. My doc blames the antidepressant. Moral: You can become allergic to anything at anytime regardless of how long you have been exposed to it. I took 2 of those meds for 18 months and the third for over 3 months. I had no warning, it hit hard, fast and scared the hell out of me. I am keeping pepcid and benadryll tablets in the house now. If I have another scare I am taking two of each and running for the ER.

OOO That Smell

I once heard a comedian, I can't remember which one, who claimed that all men always wanted to see every woman (regardless of her appearance or age) naked. He's wrong. I am a man, I checked this morning to make sure, and I am a probation officer. I have female clients, at least that's the gender listed in their files. Very, very, very few of them would I wish to see even partially unclothed. There is an old phrase about undressing someone mentally. Not only do I not do that with 110% of my caseload (the very few clients I get who might be considered reasonably attractive I tend to know too much about to allow myself to even consider them as anything other than clients) there are probably about 20% that when I see, I mentally add insulated coveralls, heavy arctic parka with hood, snow mask and dark sunglasses. About half of those I also add a biological warfare suit for my protection.

Case in point. Yesterday one of my female clients showed up wearing denim shorts about 3 sizes too small for her and a low cut loose-fitting tank top. This lady was not particularly attractive. She was not fat by any means, but she really had no business dressing like that in public. She especially should not have come into probation in that garb, or lack thereof. I very definitely did not want to see anything and spent the interview in fear something would pop into view and I would be scarred for life. Our health insurance has very limited psychiatric benefits. Too make matters worse, she smelled horrible. She claimed she had been moving from her former house to an apartment, which was why she was dressed that way. I guess the smell was unwashed sweating felon, however it was a stench I normally associate with dumpsters. I was trying to interview the woman without looking at her and while breathing as little as possible. I knew I had to be fast, because that is the sort of smell you don't want to have around for long. It is the sort of smell that will make itself at home, eat the leftovers out of your fridge, hog the tv remote and stay way to damn long if it gets the chance. Not to mention I was trying not to vomit on my computer. I got her out as quick as possible. I thought about doing a drug screen, but I am currently on good terms with most of my female coworkers and I would like to keep it that way for a while if possible. I was too late, the smell had settled in and was trying to burn the paint off the walls and melt my filing cabinet. By the time I left work, it had set in on me. I smelled it all the way home. Once home, I stripped and dumped my clothes in the wash. I took a long, hot shower. And I could still smell it. It wasn't in my hair, I don't have any. It was such a strong smell, I was afraid to eat anything. I finally decided an exorcism was called for. To perform the exorcism I used the following ingredients. Two slices of whole wheat bread, 1 slice white onion, romaine lettuce leaves, 1 slice tomato, two tablespoons humus with tahini sauce, 4 strips of bell pepper, three pickled Serrano chiles with a couple of the included carrot slices, and a couple of dashes of habanero picante sauce with a slice of pepperjack cheese. That way I had supper and an exorcism at the same time.

My Problems with Linux

I decided, a few months ago, to do something I had been pondering for a couple of years. I decided to try Linux. I had never done it for fear of losing everything in a hard drive crash and burn. I had recently replaced the second hard drive in my PC though, and the laptop had a new operating system anyway. I created a backup image of my PC hard drive saved to the new second drive. I had long ago fell in love with the looks of Sabayon, so I downloaded not 1 but 2 of the latest distros, one of x86 KDE and one of x86 gnome. I then reread everything I could locate about dual booting, then shrank my windows partion and installed Sabayon KDE on my PC. It went smoothly, so I did the same on my laptop with gnome. The install was a piece of cake, it loaded all the drivers and everything first go. It took some adjustments, but I soon figured most stuff out and could look up the rest. Gnome took more adjusting than did KDE of course. Unfortunately, while trying to do everything I did with windows, I found one job I couldn’t find an open source app for, so I downloaded and installed some trial ware. It made my sound act funny, so I tried to uninstall it, and in the process somehow mess up my operating system. I couldn’t get back into the operating system on booting; it would not accept my password and the login screen looked wrong. In desperation I reinstalled Sabayon. I reinstalled it 3 times, because my 3-d effects would never again work right. I finally, on an impulse, installed the Gnome version and everything was golden. Until about 3 nights ago, when an update made me again lose my 3-d effects. Not only the effects, but unless I change my windows manager from compiz to metacity, I can’t resize or move my windows. I tried everything I could find on the internet and nothing has worked. I finally resorted to reinstalling, that didn’t help. I downloaded the 64bit amd install DVD and tried it, twice. It worked, until I update the system.

I downloaded live cd’s of Fedora, Ubuntu 11.04 and 10.10, Mint 10, and Opensuse. They would all boot up, but just before completely loading I would get a lost signal on my monitor and everything would go black. Rebooting back to the hard drive I tried several times to purge Nvidia Drivers, reinstall, revert to older version. None of that worked. I reinstalled conpiz, fusion icon, css numerous times. I finally tracked down that my video card wasn’t loading glx extensions when the drivers loaded. I reinstalled all my x11 components. I also consulted google, and located the folder where the extensions were supposed to be. The folder was there. The contents were there. It was an hour after my normal time to sleep, so I crashed in frustration. As I was going to sleep, I thought how odd it was that the live cd’s weren’t working, even if they didn’t have Nvidia proprietary drivers, they should still have the free drivers, and my lap top had booted to the live Opensuse and even had 3d effects. So when my cats decided 4:15 AM was the appropriate time to be fed breakfast and then refused to let me go back to sleep. I force-fed myself caffeine decided to quickly swap out my video card. I thought I had an exact duplicate, but the other card turned out to be an older agp card, rather than pci express. I put the old card back in and hooked it back up to the monitor. I restarted the computer. After another shot of caffeine, on a whim, I loaded fusion icon and switched windows managers to compiz. The title bars didn’t go poof. I did the control-alt-right arrow and the cube rotated. Apparently my problem was a video card that had become improperly seated. One of the cats likes to wander around behind the computer, so I bet she wiggled it loose. FACEPALM – almost a week to fix what I probably should have thought of at least second.

Adventures in a Winter Wonderland Part Two

Sorry it’s been a bit since my last post, much has happened. I want to finish out the lovely day I started talking about though.

I had packed a (now slightly squishier) lunch, so I didn’t leave my office building that day. All of my scheduled clients called to reschedule, of course, so basically it was a “talk to the other 4 people that made it in and catch up on paperwork” day for me. When it was time to go, I did my best impersonation of a polar explorer and went to the parking lot. I put the key in the door of the car and turned the lock, almost. The key went in, but the lock did not move. I moved to the passenger door and tried it again with the exact same results. A coworker came by and asked what was up, when I explained it, she produced a cigarette lighter and we attempted to heat the key and insert it into the lock, but to no avail. The lock remained frozen in place. I returned to my office and phoned my father. He did the rather still quiet slippery drive into town and a badly bent key and a can and a half of de-icer and we were still no closer to entering the car. He drove me home and back to work the next day. The car locks were still frozen. A coworker drove me to a auto supply store around 10 am, where I purchased two small cans of lock de-icer. I squirted some de-icer in the driver’s side lock and tried the key, It turned easily. I then went to the passenger side, but just used the key, It opened also. The sun had been shining directly on the car. I put some de-icer in anyway, hoping to get rid of any remaining water in the lock.

I knew that car had a habit of the doors freezing. It is older and the gaskets don’t seal as tight, but in this case, the cylinders in the lock froze. That has happened to me before, and to make matters worse, this was an older GM product that uses the smaller keys with the teeth only on one side, making the lock entrance very small. We haven’t had much snow in the last 6 years of so. I think 2003 we had at least one larger snow. I used to keep lock deicer in my pants pocket all winter, my old mustang occasionally had a lock freeze. I also kept de-icer on hand, but was lulled into a false sense of security. I currently have a can of de-icer by my front door and a can of lock de-icer in my pocket. I keep a second can of de-icer and a second can of lock de-icer in my desk at work. It has snowed at least 3 times since my adventure. We had snow on Christmas, snow the following week and it snowed yesterday and today. There was accumulation with all of the mentioned snows. We also had a snow, where it snowed, then rained and washed it all away on the same day. I haven’t needed my arsenal of ice weapons yet though.