I'm In Shock

I am in shock, shock I say. Or rather, I was in shock, the anaphylactic kind. By the way, my spell checker hates the word anaphylactic, it wants to change it to prophylactic. It's an interesting story. Actually it isn't and if you hang around, your asking for it, but here goes. On a Friday, pretty much like any other Friday, I did nothing out of the ordinary. Around 9:30 PM or so, I decided to let my internet connection have a rest and I went to bed with a book. I had a headache so, I took two normal strength aspirin. I became interested in the book and read until about 11:00. Then I turned off the light and tried to drift off to dreamland. About 10 minutes later my chest and stomach were itching like crazy. The first two fingers on my right hand were feeling odd also. They were slightly numb, stiff and just basically uncomfortable. I got out of bed and turned my light on. My hand looked normal. I went to the bathroom and raised my tee shirt. I had red welts running down my torso. My mouth felt odd too, a bit dry and my tongue was not right, it felt a little thick. I had never experienced this before, but I had seen it on a couple of occasions. I went to my kitchen and prowled through my cabinet. I had no Benadryl, but I did find another antihistamine, and I took one. I could barely swallow it, my tongue felt as if it barely fit my mouth, and my right hand was visibly swollen. I dressed quickly and went next door. My parents finally answered and after I explained in slurred speach what was happening, my father drove me to the emergency room. By the time I got into the car, both hands were swollen so bad I could hardly use them, I could barely talk, I had hives running from my right wrist halfway to my elbow, and I itched like crazy from my neck to my groin. I was also beginning to worry, I could barely swallow and was wondering how long I would be able to breath. When we reached the hospital, they took one look at me, made me sign a form ( I am not sure what I wrote, and really have no idea if it can be read, I could not close my fingers around the pen), and sat me down and asked lots of questions about my activities, allergies, ect. I couldn't tell them a lot, until that night, my allergies were limited to poison ivy and tobacco smoke. They then stuck me in bed and jabbed a 37 foot long steel girder in the back of my right hand and wiggled it around until they found a vein. I didn't care, I felt nothing until they hit the vein. They then gentle sucked out a couple of liters of blood and disappeared. They returned with a library cart filled with about 900 syringes. He pulled out a couple.

Fortunately the girder was still embedded in me, so they could pretty much just pump me full of whatever without making new holes. I also had somewhere between 70 and 11,000 various sensors attached to me. The medical looking dude pumps something out of one of the syringes into me via girder express. That's Pepcid, he told me. I mumble about my stomach being fine, but he said not to worry, Pepcid is an antihistamine. Who knew? He then gave me steriods. I didn't grow mucsles, though. He then warned me that he was going to give me Benadryl, but he would have to do it slowly. He then proceeded to pump flaming sulfuric acid into me slowly. I was once given Phenergan in the hip when I had a kidney stone and I could not eat or drink due to instant barf syndrome. Up until this point that was the most unpleasant injection I ever had. It may still be, my opinion varies. The Phenergan was more intense. The flame seared through me, but then it was gone. Maybe because they gave it all at once. The Benadryl wasn't as hot, but it lingered melting its way slowly through my arm. I had to check visually to see whether or not the arm was melting. It took about 7 hours to inject the stuff into me. The wall clock lied. I know I was there. The medical dude then told me that I might get sleepy. I did not believe him, as my body was twitching and vibrating so much I had to be floating about 3 feet over the bed. I felt freaking weird. I was twitchy and nervous and jumpy x 12 million. On the other hand, my tongue felt almost normal and the hive seemed to have gone down, even if my hands would not close. I asked the dude and he said the meds he gave me were doing it. Ten minutes later my dad wandered in. He asked how I was doing, and I tried to explain that I had no fucking idea. I was sleepy, but too wired to stay still. Dad wandered over to the monitoring equipment and said my blood pressure was good.... Great. The doctor wandered in. He had been by a few times monitoring something or other. He asked a lot of questions. A cute lady came in and stole my insurance card, then brought it back and filled out paperwork for me. Then doc came back and quizzed me again. Now for the last year and a half I have been taking 2 blood pressure medications. One was a beta blocker and the other a diuretic. I also took an antidepressant. In the doctor's opinion, I had suddenly became allergic to one or more of these. He thought the beta blocker was the likely culprit. He instructed me to contact my regular doctor. He wrote me a script for steriods, and instructed me to buy pepcid and benadryll and to take two steriods daily for 5 days, 2 pepcid in the am and a benadryll every 4 hours. I was also to sleep standing up, well propped up. I slept, very nervously. My normal doctor is not in on Saturdays, but the clinic she works at is open and one of her partners was in, so I saw him. After the usual poking and prodding, it was determined that I had lost 21 pounds in the last 3 months (yay whole food diet and walking) my blood pressure was still good despite over 36 hours with no blood pressure meds, so he put me on a calcium blocker to replace the other meds. He took my steriod script, wrote me his own, so their pharmacy could fill it, wrote another for a stronger antihistamine than benadryll, but told me to by the Pepcid over the counter. I was instructed to not get hot, not be in a hot place, not to eat hot food, not to take a hot shower, you get the picture, heat is bad. I was to see my normal doctor on Friday. Here are a few facts, taking steriods and antihistamines makes one a bit twitchy. The average temperature for the week was 93 degrees Fahrenheit. I normally indulge in hot coffee only occasionally, but craved it all week. On Thursday I was out of steriods, so felt a bit better. On Friday my bp was good, so we did not add anymore meds. I traded 3 daily meds for one, which I can hopefully quit if I continue to lose weight. Now I took my bp meds around 6AM. I took one antidepressant at that time and a second pill about 8 PM. I had my little episode around 11 PM. The ER doc thought the beta blocker was the culprit, the clinic doc thought the diuretic was. My doc blames the antidepressant. Moral: You can become allergic to anything at anytime regardless of how long you have been exposed to it. I took 2 of those meds for 18 months and the third for over 3 months. I had no warning, it hit hard, fast and scared the hell out of me. I am keeping pepcid and benadryll tablets in the house now. If I have another scare I am taking two of each and running for the ER.

OOO That Smell

I once heard a comedian, I can't remember which one, who claimed that all men always wanted to see every woman (regardless of her appearance or age) naked. He's wrong. I am a man, I checked this morning to make sure, and I am a probation officer. I have female clients, at least that's the gender listed in their files. Very, very, very few of them would I wish to see even partially unclothed. There is an old phrase about undressing someone mentally. Not only do I not do that with 110% of my caseload (the very few clients I get who might be considered reasonably attractive I tend to know too much about to allow myself to even consider them as anything other than clients) there are probably about 20% that when I see, I mentally add insulated coveralls, heavy arctic parka with hood, snow mask and dark sunglasses. About half of those I also add a biological warfare suit for my protection.

Case in point. Yesterday one of my female clients showed up wearing denim shorts about 3 sizes too small for her and a low cut loose-fitting tank top. This lady was not particularly attractive. She was not fat by any means, but she really had no business dressing like that in public. She especially should not have come into probation in that garb, or lack thereof. I very definitely did not want to see anything and spent the interview in fear something would pop into view and I would be scarred for life. Our health insurance has very limited psychiatric benefits. Too make matters worse, she smelled horrible. She claimed she had been moving from her former house to an apartment, which was why she was dressed that way. I guess the smell was unwashed sweating felon, however it was a stench I normally associate with dumpsters. I was trying to interview the woman without looking at her and while breathing as little as possible. I knew I had to be fast, because that is the sort of smell you don't want to have around for long. It is the sort of smell that will make itself at home, eat the leftovers out of your fridge, hog the tv remote and stay way to damn long if it gets the chance. Not to mention I was trying not to vomit on my computer. I got her out as quick as possible. I thought about doing a drug screen, but I am currently on good terms with most of my female coworkers and I would like to keep it that way for a while if possible. I was too late, the smell had settled in and was trying to burn the paint off the walls and melt my filing cabinet. By the time I left work, it had set in on me. I smelled it all the way home. Once home, I stripped and dumped my clothes in the wash. I took a long, hot shower. And I could still smell it. It wasn't in my hair, I don't have any. It was such a strong smell, I was afraid to eat anything. I finally decided an exorcism was called for. To perform the exorcism I used the following ingredients. Two slices of whole wheat bread, 1 slice white onion, romaine lettuce leaves, 1 slice tomato, two tablespoons humus with tahini sauce, 4 strips of bell pepper, three pickled Serrano chiles with a couple of the included carrot slices, and a couple of dashes of habanero picante sauce with a slice of pepperjack cheese. That way I had supper and an exorcism at the same time.